


You Never Give Up On Me

by sunshinexbomb



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-09 01:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinexbomb/pseuds/sunshinexbomb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn doesn’t know if it’s funny or a little sad that they keep skirting around this thing they’ve gotten themselves into. Sometimes it hurts knowing that Liam never asks him to stay even though Zayn knows he wants him to. He wonders how long he can keep doing this, can keep waiting for Liam, and he doesn’t know if it scares him or not that he could possibly wait forever.</p><p>--</p><p>In which Zayn is an English teacher tempted to write awful poetry about the warm coffee color of Liam's eyes, Liam is a primary ed teacher and single parent who thinks he's too busy to be in a relationship, Niall and Harry are the sickeningly cute newlywed teachers in the school, and Louis is a drama teacher who is not-so-patiently waiting for the day of his own wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Never Give Up On Me

**Author's Note:**

> WOW. This has certainly been a long time coming, but it's finally done! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me the past few months during the Big Bang, especially Meg and Renee who have been my biggest cheerleaders and handholders, and Zaf who did all of the above and also took the time to beta my story. 
> 
> And of course a MASSIVE thank you to [ziallswerewolfoven](ziallswerewolfoven.tumblr.com) who made me the very, very lovely fanmix that goes along with this fic which you can listen to [here](http://8tracks.com/berelainnotes/you-make-my-heart-smile) and reblog [here](http://ziallswerewolfoven.tumblr.com/post/73597088199/you-make-my-heart-smile-a-ziam-mixtape).
> 
> I really, really hope you enjoy this because for all the hardship I went through to write this fic, I really did enjoy the experience in the end :)
> 
> I do not own One Direction and this is clearly a figment of my own imagination. Title is from William Beckett's "You Never Give Up".

  
There are certain advantages in working on a campus where the primary school and the secondary school are connected, and the biggest, Zayn thinks, has to be the fact that the teacher’s lounge in the primary ed department happens to have a _wicked_ coffee machine. In some ways it’s really quite a shame that the department with the best coffee maker is the primary ed department though, because it unfortunately happens to be the farthest department from Zayn’s classroom. However, he’s willing to make the trek across campus, because as much as he loves his peers in the English office, horribly watered down coffee at six in the morning is not a sacrifice he’s ready to take for them.   
    
He’s sitting at his usual table in the corner, mug warm between his palms, as the other teachers start filtering in. They’re mostly from the primary ed department, because, well, this is their office, but there are a few stragglers like Zayn who come in to make use of the more up-to-date Keurig machine.   
    
Louis’s one of those stragglers. He comes shuffling in with his eyes half-closed and clutching onto his thermos for dear life. He refuses to drink anything other than his usual Yorkshire in the morning, but always joins Zayn anyway because he also, “refuses to sit with those pretentious wankers,” in the fine arts office. Zayn occasionally mentions that Louis’s a bit of a pretentious wanker too at times, but he’s stopped doing it as often when he realized that it usually leaves him with bruises on his shins.   
    
“How many days until winter hols?” Louis asks, plopping down in the chair next to Zayn and somehow curling himself up in the seat. Zayn’s pretty sure no grown man should be able to fold up the way Louis does sometimes.   
    
“Eighty-one,” Zayn replies without hesitation, because it’s not like he’s counting or anything.   
    
Louis groans and takes several long sips of his tea, leaving Zayn to mentally prepare what he’s going to do in class that day. He thinks he’ll start his sixth form students on Ovid’s _Metamorphoses_ this week. He’s been meaning to do so for a while now, but he’s way more easily distracted than a teacher should be, to be honest. His classes always seem to get him off track one way or another.   
    
“Ah, and here come the newlyweds,” Louis says sardonically, with just enough bitterness to make Zayn scoff.   
    
He turns towards the door to see that indeed, the newly married Styles-Horans are walking in, wrapped up in matching autumn jumpers, cheeks pink from the biting wind outside. Harry is actually part of the primary ed department, and he shows it too, smiling jovially at his peers, greeting them all by name and asking them about their lessons. Then again, the smile and good mood have basically been permanent fixtures since the moment he got that ring on his finger, and his partner, Niall, has been no different. Niall teaches music, leads the choir, and helps Louis in the drama productions in the fall and spring. He’s got a natural bounce in his steps and an ease in his shoulders.   
    
“Shove off,” Niall says lightly, taking his normal seat across from Zayn, Harry right next to him. “Your wedding’s in what? Eight months now right?”   
    
“Eight months too long,” Louis sighs dramatically. “Curse Eleanor for wanting to finish her schooling. What does she need a degree for? Obviously I make enough for the two of us.”   
    
“Yes, obviously, Mr. Louis I-Splurged-On-A-Vacation-And-Then-Almost-Missed-Rent Tomlinson,” Zayn answers.   
    
“You two are rather matchy today,” Louis comments, turning to Harry and Niall, completely ignoring Zayn’s sarcasm. “Taking this loved up couple thing a bit too far aren’t we?”   
    
Niall rolls his eyes as Harry bursts into a fit of giggles. For all his supposed exasperation with Harry, he’s also always got a fondness in his eyes when they’re together that’s difficult to duplicate. “This wasn’t planned believe it or not. I was dressed plenty of time before Harry was even out of bed.”   
    
“But then when I saw what Niall was wearing I thought it’d be cute if we matched,” Harry smiles, nudging his nose against Niall’s neck and making him laugh against his will.   
    
“Bloody disgusting you are, the two of you,” Zayn says, wrinkling his nose at the way Niall and Harry are falling into each other, laughing at God knows what, “I need more single friends.”   
    
“Liam’s single,” Niall smirks, letting out a booming laugh that catches the teacher at the table behind them off guard.   
    
Zayn throws a balled up napkin at Niall, who’s still laughing like mad. Sometimes Zayn wonders if his friends ever matured past the age of seventeen. “Shut it. If it was up to me, neither Liam nor I would be single.”   
    
“We know, love,” Louis says, and he almost sounds sincerely sympathetic. Almost. “Poor, Zayn. Could have any man or woman he wants in the world, but ends up arse over tits for the one that doesn’t want him. Walking cliché you are.”   
    
“I think it’s been clearly established that it’s not that Liam doesn’t want me, it’s just that -”   
    
“He’s just ‘too busy to be in a relationship right now’,” Niall finishes, last part a perfect imitation of Liam’s accent. “Yeah, yeah, we’ve all heard it tons of times at this point.”   
    
Zayn slumps back in his chair and resists the urge to pout like one of Harry’s kindergarten students might do. His coffee’s gone cold, and he stares into it as Niall and Louis strike up a conversation on the merits of couples wearing matching outfits. He tunes them out mostly, and is left wondering if he can make Liam change his mind about this whole dating thing by writing him poetry about the warm coffee color of his eyes.   
    
Or it’s maybe possible that Zayn’s mind is a little foggy and he needs another cuppa because that is actually one of the most terrible ideas he’s ever had.   
    
He’s about to go throw out the last remains in his mug when the chair beside him scratches against the floor, Liam falling into it easily. There are bags under his eyes and his hair is soft and unproducted, meaning he probably didn’t have time to style it in the morning. His clothes are a bit rumpled, collar of his button-up askew and mismatched socks peering out from beneath his chinos, like he got dressed with his eyes half-closed. Honestly, Liam looks a right mess, but he looks soft and sleepy and Zayn wants to wrap him up in a million blankets and cuddle him forever.   
    
“Long night, Payno?” Niall asks, obviously concerned.   
    
Liam lets out a low whine, eyes closing and head falling easily onto Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn scoots closer, allows Liam to cuddle up to him a bit further, and ignores the _look_ Louis is shooting in his direction.   
    
“Em’s sick. Poor thing was up all night with a fever and throwing up every couple hours. Had to leave her at me mum’s place because she was in no state to come to school,” Liam explains, eyes still closed. Zayn can feel his breath brushing lightly against the bare skin of his neck and exposed collarbones.   
    
“Is she okay?” Louis asks, brow furrowed in worry.   
    
“Yeah,” Liam sighs, causing Zayn to immediately wrap an arm around his shoulders. “Think it’s just the flu. I guess I’m a little upset that she’s feeling poorly and I can’t be there for her.”   
    
Zayn squeezes Liam’s shoulder, moves his hand up to lay it comfortingly along the back of Liam’s neck. He smiles when Liam leans into the touch. “It’s okay, Li. She’s off being coddled by her nan. Isn’t that what every kid basically wants when they’re sick?”   
    
“It’ll be fine, Liam,” Harry says, smile all soft and gentle and comforting. “Want Ni and I to come over tonight? I can bring Emily some soup. Styles specialty.”   
    
“Yeah, that’d be great.” Liam sighs again and Zayn feels it rather than hears it. It makes something in his gut ache because he hates seeing Liam so sad and stressed and worn out.   
    
It’s quiet for a couple minutes, Harry and Niall whispering among themselves about their plans for the night and Louis sipping at his probably-cold Yorkshire. Zayn likes this, the hush of the morning and Liam pressed along his side, breathing slower and more even than when he first sat down.   
    
Liam’s eyelashes are splayed out, all thick and pretty against the swell of his cheeks, and Zayn’s sure he’s dozed off. Zayn’s eyes dart toward the clock above the door, and he frowns when he sees it’s nearing ten past seven. He needs to get going to class soon, knows the early-comers of his first period are probably waiting out in front of his door already. But Liam looks so calm and peaceful, the lines of his face smoothed out and worry-free in his sleep.   
    
Louis kicks him gently under the table, eyes darting toward the clock too, and Zayn sighs. Even though it’s the last thing he wants to do, he gives Liam a small shake, disrupting his light sleep. “Hey, Liam, c’mon. Don’t fall asleep on me, now.”   
    
Liam gives a soft whine, but lifts his head, letting out a large yawn in the process that Zayn finds ridiculously cute and endearing. “Sorry, Zayner. I’m just so knackered. You make a great pillow.”   
    
“As much as I love being your pillow,” Zayn says rolling his eyes and ignoring Harry and Niall’s snickers, “I have a class full of sixth formers eager to learn about the wonders of Ovid to get to.”   
    
“Nobody is ever eager to learn about Ovid. Especially not at seven in the morning,” Liam giggles, voice still a bit slow and deep with his sleepiness.   
    
If it had been anyone else, Zayn probably would’ve given them an earful about the various merits of _Metamorphoses_ , but it’s Liam, so Zayn just smiles and shoves him playfully before making his way out the door, Louis following close behind.   
    
“You’re so gone, _Zayner_ ,” Louis laughs, arm around Zayn’s shoulder as they walk down the hall.   
“Piss off,” Zayns hisses with no real heat because he really can’t argue with Louis at all when he knows it’s true. He is completely, utterly gone for Liam Payne and there’s nothing he can do about it even though he’s sure Liam feels exactly the same.   
    
\--   
    
Liam closes his eyes, and he swears it’s just for a few seconds, but he feels himself dozing off again until there’s a sharp poking at his ribs.   
    
“C’mon, Mr. Payne. ‘S not naptime anymore. Can’t go falling asleep,” Harry sing-songs into his ear, and Liam groans, swatting him away.   
    
“Go away, Haz, ‘m not sleeping.” Liam lets out a huge yawn and rubs at his burning eyes. His eyelids are already starting to droop again and he honestly feels like he could curl up right here on the pavement and sleep forever.   
    
“You better not be,” Harry smirks. “Wouldn’t want to get fired during your first year as a qualified teacher just because you fell asleep on the job.”   
    
Liam frowns at that, a bit more alert suddenly. He studies his surroundings and relaxes when he sees everyone is fine. It’s recess and all the primary classes are outside, enjoying what is sure to be one of the last nice days before the briskness of fall really settles in. He spots some of the kids in his class on the swings, others on the jungle gym, and some beneath the big oak tree on the far side of the playground, kicking around the dirt even though he’s told them a million and one times not to.   
    
Harry’s surveying the playground as well, grinning and waving at a girl in his class with blonde pigtails and the cutest smile that reveals missing front teeth as she goes down the slide. Liam follows his gaze to another girl with brown curls and warm eyes who’s pouting as she slowly shuffles towards them.   
    
“What’s wrong Kenzie?” Liam sighs, crouching down to the girl’s level and pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He’s ignoring the amused glances Harry sends their way as he pretends to keep an eye on his students.   
    
“Can I stand with you today, Mr. Payne?” Kenzie asks, pout deepening. There’s a light smattering of freckles across her nose, and Liam’s reminded so much of Emily at that age that it makes his chest ache.   
    
“Don’t you want to play, love?” Liam asks, putting on a warm smile as Kenzie shakes her head.   
    
“I guess I could use a special helper today then,” Liam says straightening up. Kenzie smiles wide and stands straight by his side, purveying her classmates with more attention than he’s ever given them during recess.   
    
“Who is this, then?” Harry asks finally, looking at Kenzie with interest like he’s just noticed her.   
    
“Ah, this is Kenzie, my special helper,” Liam grins, watching as Kenzie’s demeanor becomes suddenly shy, “Kenzie, can you say hi to Mr. Styles?”   
    
“Hello, Mr. Styles. It’s very nice to meet you,” Kenzie says quietly, holding out her hand, that Harry takes without hesitation.   
    
“Nice to meet you too, Miss Kenzie. I wish I had a special helper. All I have is Mr. Clifford over here and he’s quite useless,” Harry says, motioning to his assistant, Michael, who sticks his tongue out at Harry as he moves a piece of shocking blond hair out of his eyes.   
    
Kenzie giggles openly at their behavior, but it dies quickly when the girl with the blonde pigtails runs towards them, a boy with dark spiky hair following behind her.   
    
“Mr. Styles, Evan pushed me!” she complains. “Look he got dirt on my dress!”   
    
“I did not! It was an accident!” Evan protests, sending pleading eyes towards Harry, silently begging him to believe him.   
    
“Evan can you say sorry to Rachel? Even if it’s an accident, you’ve got to say sorry,” Harry says slowly, only smiling when Evan mumbles out a soft, “Sorry.”   
    
“Good,” Harry nods. “We can get you cleaned up when we get inside, is that okay, Rachel?”   
    
Kenzie’s hiding quietly behind Liam the whole exchange, watching Harry and his students with wide eyes. Liam runs a comforting hand through her curls, silently impressed with the ease that Harry always handles these kind of situations with. It’s something he still hasn’t mastered himself, and thinking about the years of experience he’s missed out on makes something in his stomach coil.   
    
“Now, Miss Rachel, before you go, do you think you could take Miss Kenzie here to play with you?” Harry says, nodding in Kenzie’s direction.   
    
Kenzie’s eyes widen further and she shakes her head furiously, trying to hide even more behind Liam’s larger frame. Rachel ignores her refusals and grabs her hand, pulling her along excitedly.   
    
“Was that a great idea?” Liam frowns, taking note of the hesitance in everything Kenzie does.   
    
“Rachel’s a nice girl. Very friendly. It’ll be good for Kenzie,” Harry nods, tilting his chin in their direction.   
    
Sure enough, Kenzie’s already starting to relax a little as Rachel introduces her to all her friends. She sticks close to Rachel’s side the whole time though, like she’s not completely ready to meet all these new people.   
    
“She reminds me of Emily,” Harry says, eyes still trained on the group of girls who are organizing themselves into some kind of game now.   
    
Liam nods, “I was thinking the same exact thing earlier.”   
    
“You don’t have to feel so bad, y’know,” Harry says quietly. “Evan no pushing! Jesus, don’t know what I’m gonna do with that one.”   
    
“Feel so bad about what?” Liam asks, quirking an eyebrow at Harry. Louis once told him that with great eyebrows comes great power or some other shit he picked up from one of those daytime soaps he never admits to watching.   
    
Harry shrugs, obviously not bowing to the power of Liam’s great eyebrows. “About not being there for her all the time. She’s a big girl now, Liam. She understands.”   
    
“Harry – “   
    
“I’m just saying Liam, if you like, need to do something for yourself once in a while, I think Emily will be fine with it. Take a day off from being SuperDad, mate. Treat yourself. Go on a run, go on a date –“   
    
“ _Harry_ ,” Liam interrupts, knowing exactly where this is headed, and he’s way too stressed and tired to deal with it today. “We’ve talked about this already.”   
    
“I’m just saying,” Harry replies, completely serious despite the casual shrug of his shoulders. “I know Zayn’s like in love with you or whatever, but he’s not going to wait around forever.”   
    
“Zayn’s not in love with me,” Liam says flatly. “And I don’t expect him to wait around forever. I don’t want him to wait around at all.”   
    
“But he’s going to, and you know that.”   
    
“I’m just not –“   
    
“Ready,” Harry finishes. “I know. We all know. I’m sure the bloody Queen knows that Liam Payne is still not ready for a relationship. But why not? What’s keeping you from being ready?”   
    
“I’m just getting my life back together, Haz,” Liam sighs, avoiding Harry’s piercing gaze and concentrating instead on Kenzie, who’s smiling and giggling now, meshing well with the group Rachel’s brought her too. “I don’t want to get Zayn mixed up in everything. It’s not fair to him or me or Em.”   
    
“Believe it or not, Zayn knows exactly what he’s getting himself into,” Harry scoffs. “He’s known you what, almost two years now? Three? He’s been gone for you since that day Niall invited you to lad’s night forever ago, and that was when you were still juggling night school and a part-time job and being The World’s Greatest Dad all at once. Zayn’s had his time to run, and he’s done the complete opposite, Li. He’s already mixed up in all this whether you want him there or not.”   
    
The worst part of it all is that Liam knows Harry’s right, about everything really. Over the last few years, Zayn has become woven into Liam’s life easily like there’s always been spots for him to fill. Liam can’t imagine his life without Zayn, but he also feels like he’s at such a delicate spot at the moment, that he’s on the brink of finally, _finally,_ after seven years, getting his life back exactly where he wants it. He doesn’t want anything messing up that balance in case he goes tumbling backwards again.   
    
Liam hears high-pitched giggles, and can’t help but smile as he watches Kenzie run around with her new friends. He’s reminded of Emily again, and how she’s the most important thing to him at the moment. More important than his job or his friends or his own happiness. Everything is Emily, just like it has been for the last seven years. He can’t let Zayn that far into his life without knowing how it’s going to affect the steady routine that he’s created around the two of them.   
    
“Will you at least think about things?” Harry asks, looking down at his watch. “Both of you deserve to be happy. I hate seeing you guys skirting around what could be such a great thing.”   
    
Liam looks down at his own watch – an old clunky thing from his father that he’s had for ages – and is surprised to see that it’s almost time to head back inside.   
    
“Yeah, Harry, I’ll think about it,” Liam promises.   
    
\--   
    
Zayn hates detention duty so much he wants to cry. He’s pretty sure that the clock on the wall is broken or moving backwards or _something_ because there’s no way there’s still five more minutes until three.   
    
It’s an odd group of kids in his classroom, all looking at the clock just as often as he is. Zayn’s pretty sure half of these people are drama students, and that just confirms his theory that Louis gives more students detention when he knows Zayn’s on duty that day.   
    
It’s been a long day, as Fridays usually are, and Zayn’s ready to go home. He wants to curl up in front of the telly and maybe drink some wine until he passes out for the night to the sounds of late night infomercials.   
    
He really lives a sad life, Zayn does.   
    
Zayn looks out the window and smiles softly as he watches the primary ed department go through their dismissal process, younger kids running to get on buses or join their parents after a long day. He spots Liam not too far away, holding a girl with perfect curls that he almost mistakes for Emily before realizing that Emily’s gotten much too big to be held like that anymore. He’s talking to an older girl – much too young to be the girl with the curls’ mom so more likely her sister – who’s laughing energetically at whatever it is Liam’s saying. Liam’s grinning back, eyes crinkling, and Zayn feels an irrational curl of jealousy in his chest.   
    
It’s stupid, because Zayn knows Liam would never, not with someone related to a child in his class, and definitely not with someone who looks like she can’t be over eighteen. But Zayn can’t help it, not when Liam’s looking at the little girl in his arms with a fondness he usually reserves for Emily, and from far away the three of them look the part of a quintessential family.   
    
Zayn loves kids, always has, but Liam has a certain charm with them he’s never managed. Zayn thinks it’s because Liam’s sort of a kid at heart still, and he’s so very easy to fall in love with because of his warm eyes and soft smiles. Watching Liam hand the girl over to his sister and then turn his attention to the other kids around him makes something in Zayn’s gut ache.   
    
He’s known from the moment Niall introduced them all that Liam was something special, but it wasn’t until Liam first introduced them all to Emily that Zayn realized he was in trouble. Zayn could feel the love and fondness emanating off of Liam every time Emily so much as breathed, and that drew in Zayn in a way that nothing else ever has. Rather than running for the hills like Liam thought he would, Zayn tried to draw closer to Liam, to permeate himself into every part of Liam and Emily’s life so it was like he belonged there. There was no way he was going to let Liam go.   
    
“Mr. Malik?” a boy in the first row says, clearing his throat awkwardly. “It’s past three.”   
    
Zayn snaps his gaze away from the window, glancing at the clock in surprise. “Oh, um, yeah, it is. You’re all free to go. Have a nice weekend, and make sure I don’t see you in here again.”   
    
There’s a small spattering of laughter, and Zayn waits while the room clears out, quickly packing up his bag and locking the door behind him on the way out.   
    
The front of the school’s mostly cleared out already, and Liam’s disappeared, probably to go lock up his classroom or already headed home. Zayn doesn’t stick around to find out – though he’s tempted – and instead heads straight to his car, driving home quickly.   
    
As soon as he gets back to his flat, Zayn’s stripping out of his work clothes and changing into his comfiest sweats and an old hoodie that he’s pretty sure is actually Louis’s. He’s curled up on the couch in minutes and out before he even gets a chance to turn the telly on.   
    
It only feels like he’s sleeping a few minutes, but when Zayn wakes, it’s to loud knocks on his door and the realization that the sun is setting outside his window. He rolls off the couch, trying to rub out the kink in his neck as he shuffles slowly towards the door.   
    
Harry’s on the other side of it, smiling wide when Zayn’s finally got it open. “Hi, Zayn. Did you fall asleep or something?”   
    
“Hm, yeah,” Zayn gets out through a large yawn, “what d’ya want?”   
    
“I was wondering if you could do a favor for me?” Harry replies, swaying on the balls of his feet, patented cheeky grin plastered across his face.   
    
Zayn frowns. “Depends on what it is, doesn’t it?”   
    
“Well, you know how I was supposed to go to Liam’s today, right? Just to check up on him and Emily and to make sure he’s not exhausting himself too much being all Liam-y?”   
    
“Yes,” Zayn says slowly, and he blames his sleep-foggy brain for not being able to follow exactly where Harry is going with this.   
    
“So, it turns out, I totally forgot Niall and I were supposed to have dinner at my mum’s tonight,” Harry says, “and you know how she is. Can’t stand to have us miss a dinner even though it seems like we’re there like all the time right? It’s sort of ridiculous, really. Last week –”   
    
“Harry,” Zayn groans, trying to rub the sleep away from his eyes, “get on with it, mate.”   
    
“Oh right. Anyway. Could you bring this soup over to Liam’s for me? And check up on him and Emily. Thanks mate, bye,” Harry replies, shoving a plastic bag at Zayn and turning around to leave in one swift motion that’s so quick, Zayn’s left standing in front of the open door wondering what just happened.   
    
He stares down at the bag in confusion until everything Harry said clicks in his head, and then he’s cursing in frustration, slamming the door behind him as he goes back into the sitting room.   
    
It’s not that Zayn minds going to check up on Liam, it’s just, he needs time to mentally prepare for these kinds of things. Being around Liam is one of the easiest, most natural things in the world, but it’s also one of the most nerve-wrecking and Harry can’t just spring something like this on him unexpectedly. Not to mention he looks a right mess and doesn’t think he has time to get properly ready.   
    
Zayn sets the soup down on the breakfast table and makes his way to the bathroom, taking a quick look at himself in the mirror. He’s got a bit of stubble growing in and his hair is sticking up in the back from where he slept on it funny. His eyes are still a bit red and puffy from sleep, and there’s a crease on his cheek from where it was pressing against the couch cushion. In the end, he decides against fixing himself up for the most part. He pulls on a beanie to cover his uncooperative hair, and walks out the flat knowing that Liam’s seen him in much worse states.   
    
“Fucking Styles,” Zayn mutters as he’s leaving his flat, locking the door behind him. A part of him feels like Harry and Niall aren’t actually going to Anne’s for the night and that Harry just wanted some excuse to get him over to Liam’s.   
    
The walk over isn’t too long, but it’s enough to chill Zayn through his hoodie, and by the time he’s in front of Liam’s door, he’s hopping from foot to foot, trying to keep himself warm even though he’s technically already inside. He knocks on the door, hoping that Harry’s soup hasn’t gone cold, and waits impatiently for Liam to answer and let him in.   
    
Zayn can’t help the smile that spreads across his face when Liam opens the door, still looking sleep-rumpled but not nearly as exhausted as that morning.   
    
“Hi, Zayn. What are you doing here?” Liam asks, lips tilting down in a concerned frown.   
    
Zayn rolls his eyes, pushing past Liam and inviting himself in, toeing off his shoes and making his way to the living room. “Harry couldn’t make it. Sent me with some of the Styles Specialty or whatever.”   
    
Liam follows Zayn down to the living room where Emily is, cuddled in a swarm of blankets in front of the TV. There’s a box of tissues by her feet and a half-drunk cup of tea on the table next to her.   
    
“Hey, Em, how are you feeling, darling?” Zayn asks, eyes softening when he sees her flushed cheeks and reddened nose. Her curls are pulled up into a ponytail, loose strands coming out to frame her face.   
    
“I’m sick,” she moans, snuggling into Zayn’s side when he plops down next to her on the couch.   
    
“Good thing I brought this soup then isn’t it? Harry said it’s sure to cure anything. You’ll be back on your feet in no time,” Zayn smiles, motioning to the bag he’s set next to him.   
    
“Really?” Emily asks, eyeing the bag warily. “Are you sure?”   
    
He hears Liam chuckle as he sits on the armrest of the couch. “Would Harry ever lie to you, sweetheart?”   
    
“No,” Emily frowns, “but it can’t cure _everything_ can it? Then people would never get sick.”   
    
“Well, maybe it doesn’t cure everything,” Zayn muses, “but I’ve had it before, and it can definitely get rid of that cold of yours.”   
    
“How about I go warm some up for you, baby?” Liam asks, getting up and taking the soup to the tiny kitchen which is really just an extension of the living room.   
    
“Warm some up for Zayn too, daddy. I don’t want him getting sick.”   
    
Zayn wraps an arm around Emily, lets her move closer until she’s fit perfectly into his side. She’s still overly warm, and Zayn knows it’s just a cold, but he understands how Liam was feeling this morning because he feels his concern for her washing over him in waves.   
    
“You can’t just assume Zayn is staying, baby,” Liam says, but he pulls out an extra bowl regardless, like he knows Zayn won’t be leaving anytime soon now that he’s there.   
    
“You’re not leaving are you, Zayn?” Emily asks, concerned. She juts her bottom lip out in a pout that’s got Zayn’s heart melting in a gooey puddle.   
    
“Only if your daddy wants me to,” Zayn smirks, turning his attention to Liam who’s pouring the warmed up soup into three bowls.   
    
“Of course, I don’t want you to leave,” Liam says, eyes downcast and cheeks tinged just a bit pink like Emily’s. “I don’t want to keep you though if you’re busy.”   
    
Zayn doesn’t know if it’s funny or a little sad that they keep skirting around this _thing_ they’ve gotten themselves into. Sometimes it hurts knowing that Liam never asks him to stay even though Zayn knows he wants him to. He wonders how long he can keep doing this, can keep waiting for Liam, and he doesn’t know if it scares him or not that he could possibly wait forever.   
    
“Nah, I’m not busy,” says Zayn, accepting the soup Liam passes him, making sure to brush their fingers together slightly so he can watch that slight blush in Liam’s cheeks deepen just a bit.   
    
“Good,” Emily says, accepting her own soup quickly. “You can watch a movie with daddy and me then.”   
    
“And what movie are we watching?” Zayn asks between sips of Harry’s soup. The taste is hard to describe, but it’s warm and settles in his stomach comfortably.   
    
“ _Toy Story_ of course,” Liam says, sitting down with his own bowl after popping the disc into the DVD player. Emily’s already made fort on one end of the couch, so Liam sits on the other end, leaving Zayn in the middle.   
    
Zayn rolls his eyes, trying to ignore the way that Liam’s arm is pressing against him and how they keep bumping elbows every time Zayn takes a sip of his soup. “Of course. Why did I even need to ask?”   
    
Emily falls asleep halfway through the movie, her second bowl of soup gone cold where she left it on the side table. Liam keeps dozing off too, his head lolling onto Zayn’s shoulder just like this morning. He jerks awake every few minutes though, shifting positions to keep himself up, but it’s to no avail.   
    
When the credits start rolling, Liam’s completely out of it, finally given into the temptation of sleep. His head is pillowed on the armrest on his side, his legs bent at the knees and his toes curled underneath Zayn’s thighs. Zayn’s still wide awake, probably because of his nap earlier, and he’s glad he’s conscious to enjoy this moment, as brief as it may be. He can’t think of anywhere else he’d like to be more than on this couch between Emily and Liam. It’s definitely a bit scary what he’d give up to make this a regular part of his life.   
    
He lets Liam sleep a few more minutes, getting up and stretching before struggling to pick Emily up and take the few steps to her room. She’s really getting much too big, Zayn thinks, remembering the days he could carry her without any trouble.   
    
After tucking Emily into bed and making sure she has everything she needs, Zayn goes back to the living room. For the second time that day, he’s reluctantly waking Liam up, smiling fondly as he watches Liam’s eyes flutter open.   
    
“Ugh, Zayn? What time ‘s it?” Liam slurs out. “Where’s Emily?”   
    
“It’s a bit past ten sleepyhead,” Zayn chuckles. “I put Emily to bed already.”   
    
“You didn’t have to do that,” Liam says, frown broken only by his yawn.   
    
“I know. I wanted to, you donut.”   
    
“Oh. Well thanks for everything tonight, Zayn. Really,” Liam says, smile warm and genuine.   
    
“I’m always here for you, Li. Emily too. You know that,” Zayn says, pulling Liam into a hug that he sinks into. They stand there for a little bit, Liam’s nose buried into the crook of Zayn’s neck and Zayn’s stomach full of happy dancing butterflies.   
    
“I do know that,” Liam says finally, pulling away. His grin is a bit shier now, but it’s no less real.   
    
“Get some rest this weekend, okay Liam? I’ll see you soon.”   
    
“Yeah, see you, Zayn.”   
    
Zayn squeezes the back of Liam’s neck comfortingly, risking a quick kiss to his cheek, before quickly making his way out the door and back to his own flat.   
    
\--   
    
October flies by fast with Zayn constantly wondering why he assigns so many essays that he really never wants to read. Harry gets the flu that’s travelling around his classroom, resulting in a rather stressed Niall who’s trying to take care of a grumpy, fussy husband on top of his usual work. Louis starts preparations for the fall musical (he decides on _Sound of Music_ this year) and Liam continues to be The World’s Greatest Dad while also trying to win the title of The World’s Greatest Teacher.   
    
Zayn’s in his classroom one day, late after school, when Niall walks in lacking the usual spring to his step.   
    
“Something wrong, Nialler?” Zayn asks, frowning at the god awful paper in front of him. He seriously wonders why some of these kids think they can get away without doing the assigned reading. Zayn can always tell. Always.   
    
“We had our first day of musical auditions today,” Niall says, scrunching up his face in his distaste. “One thing I want to avoid all year. Some of those kids are absolutely dreadful.”   
    
“This sounds more like a conversation I would be having with Louis,” Zayn notes, moving the essay to the “done” pile. The “to be graded” pile is still depressingly high, but Zayn needs a break before he cries from reading yet another essay by a student who glaringly missed the point of _King Lear_.   
    
Niall grins a little sheepishly, bringing his shoulders up in a quick shrug. “I know, it’s just hard saying no to these kids. Like, some of them genuinely think they’re talented or they really love singing but they’re like not good at all? And we can’t have them stinkin’ up the production.”   
    
Zayn nods understandingly. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard Louis complain about this like, a hundred times or summat. As serious as he is about these shows, he hates saying no too.”   
    
Niall lets out a deep sigh, pouting just slightly before schooling his features back into that easy, relaxed look he usually wears. It’s one of Zayn’s favorite things about Niall. How he doesn’t dwell on things and harvests all this positive energy. “Enough about me and me silly troubles. What’s going on with you? Feel like we haven’t talked in a while.”   
    
Zayn shrugs, and motions to the stacks of paper and novels littering his desk. “This is what’s going on with me. Books and plays and essays and more books.”   
    
“Exciting,” Niall replies, rolling his eyes with a loud laugh. “What about on the Liam front? Any progress there?”   
    
“No more progress than you saw this morning.”   
    
The past couple of weeks have been busy, and Zayn hasn’t gotten much chance to talk to Liam other than on Halloween when the five of them took Emily and a group of her friends out trick-or-treating. Harry claimed it was to keep Liam company, but Zayn’s pretty sure it was just so him and Niall had a reason to wear matching costumes. It was still fun, and Louis even convinced him to dress up, though he did so only half-heartedly.   
    
Other than that, it’s just been brief moments together in the morning before classes and one awkward run-in after school when Zayn was stuck on detention duty again. There’s been a tension between them lately that Zayn’s not used to, and he’s not really sure what’s causing it or how to fix it.   
    
“You ever think it’s time to move on?” Niall asks seriously.   
    
Zayn bites his bottom lip nervously, because well, yeah he has thought about it. There’s plenty of times he’s realized that he’s twenty-eight and single and painfully into a guy who seems reluctant to be in a relationship with him. And he’s realized things would be so much easier if he moved on, but for some reason he can’t. There’s something about Liam that not only draws him in, but keeps him coming back, and that’s extremely hard to ignore.   
    
Niall looks like the picture of casualness, leaning against the desk right in front of Zayn’s, arms folded against his chest, but he’s got his eyebrow quirked expectantly, shoulders tensed just slightly in a way that someone who didn’t know him as well as Zayn would definitely miss. His gaze is getting steadily more intense, and it’s starting to make Zayn sort of uncomfortable, so he shrugs.   
    
“I’ve like thought about it, yeah.”   
    
“And what? You decided it just wasn’t an option or something?”   
    
Zayn’s silent, is rifling with the edges of the essays in front of him just to have something to do, because he doesn’t really know how to answer in a way that doesn’t make him sound pathetic at best. He’s not looking, but he’s pretty sure that Niall’s still staring at him just like before.   
    
“You need to go on a date.”   
    
Zayn looks up so fast, his neck cracks. “What?”   
    
“A date,” Niall says slowly, smiling now, clearly amused. “You know, when a bloke takes another bloke or a bird or whatever they’re into out for drinks or dinner or somethin’. Ever done that, Zayn? Or have you been devoid of a love life since before you started pining for Liam?”   
    
“I know what a date is,” Zayn splutters, getting all flustered. “I just don’t know why you think I need to like go on one?”   
    
“Because God knows how long it’s been since you’ve been on one,” Niall laughs. “If Liam’s not gonna take you out, might as well go out with someone, right? Might help.”   
    
“And who would I go on a date with?” Zayn asks dryly. He’s considered it before, of course, but never too seriously. Most nights Zayn’s not too up to the effort of meeting new people, and more often than that, he’s too preoccupied with thoughts of Liam to really do anything about it.   
    
“I know someone. Friend of a friend. She’s single, and probably would be interested. I can make something happen.”   
    
Zayn bites at his lips again, the edge already worn down a little from before. He thinks briefly of all the times he’s been scolded for the habit, mainly by his mum, but also by Liam who would rib him gently and joke with caring eyes about how no one would want to kiss him with his lips all torn up. He never misses the unintentional irony behind Liam’s words, because there’s no one Zayn would rather have kiss him than Liam.   
    
It hits Zayn then hard and fast, reminding him of Hemingway and the feeling of _gradually and then suddenly_. He thinks falling in love is sort of like becoming broke, or at least falling in love with Liam is. Zayn definitely feels like he’s lost everything at times, and he knows it’s because of Liam, because he doesn’t have Liam the way he wants.   
    
He can’t lie, it worries him sometimes what an important part of his life Liam has become. He’s in so, so deep that he doesn’t even know how to begin crawling out, and sometimes he feels like he’d be content digging himself in deeper.   
    
And maybe it’s that feeling, that desperate feeling of losing everything and getting himself into a situation he can’t get out of that has Zayn nodding. “Yeah. Make something happen, Nialler.”   
    
\--   
    
“Why am I here?” Liam whines, knowing he looks and sounds just as petulant as some of some of his students when he pouts at Louis. It’s been a long week though, and he’d really rather be anywhere than helping Louis fill his gift registry in some stuffy department store.   
    
Louis glares at him, scanning the barcode of some expensive dinner set that Liam’s pretty sure none of his wedding guests would ever be able to afford. “Because Eleanor is studying for an exam and The Newlyweds have a golfing date or something shit like that.”   
    
Liam’s got his own scanner, but he’s just holding it loosely at his side, opting to pay more attention to Emily who’s running around scanning every item she sees. Louis seems unconcerned, simply unscanning the items he doesn’t want and keeping the ones he doesn’t mind having. Louis’s ever-patient with Emily, and Liam thinks it’s got something to do with him growing up with four younger sisters. He thinks that when the day comes, Louis will make an amazing father.   
    
“What about Zayn?” Liam asks, carefully leaning against a display of glassware and keeping a wary eye on Emily.   
    
“He’s busy getting ready for tonight. Are these plates tacky?”   
    
“Yes,” Liam nods, not even looking at whatever Louis is showing him because he’s too busy making sure Emily is staying out of trouble, “Em, don’t run in the store!”   
    
Emily slows her run down to a brisk walk and Liam rolls his eyes. She’s usually not too much of a handful, but being around Louis gives her a burst of energy she doesn’t always have, and Liam wishes he could’ve left her with his mum like he originally planned. Damn her book club.   
    
“Wait, what’s happening tonight?” Liam asks, finally processing what Louis had said.   
    
“Didn’t he tell you?” Louis replies, inspecting an oddly shaped glass quizzically before putting it down with a shake of his head. “Some of these things, Liam. Ugly as shit really. Don’t understand why anyone would buy them.”   
    
“Didn’t Zayn tell me what?”   
    
“Oh, he’s got a date tonight. What about these mugs? Do you think they’re alright?”   
    
Liam freezes, staring at Louis with wide eyes and more surprise than he really should be. “What?”   
    
“These mugs, Liam, keep up. I like the pattern, but not too sure about the color -”   
    
“Lou, forget about the mugs. What is this about Zayn and a date?”   
    
Liam’s feeling a million different things at once it seems like, and he knows none of them are things he should be feeling. There’s no reason for him to be angry or upset or jealous or _anything_ because him and Zayn aren’t together, they aren’t anything other than friends, and Zayn is free to do whatever he wants. Even then though, it’s just, a shock really. Liam almost feels betrayed or something, and he’s trying to push back that feeling and bury it with all the other ones he’s not supposed to have.   
    
“Yeah with some bird Niall set him up with. Did he really not tell you?” Louis asks, mouth open just slightly in surprise. “I was sure you’d be the first to know.”   
    
“He didn’t tell me anything,” Liam grumbles, and he frowns when he sees the glint in Louis’s eyes. “What’re you looking at me like that for?”   
    
Louis smirks, all pointy impish teeth and says, “You’re jealous aren’t you, Payno?”   
    
“No,” Liam scoffs, except yes he totally is. There’s no denying it when there’s a hot bubbling feeling in stomach and a tight constriction in his chest. “I have nothing to be jealous of.”   
    
Liam clenches his hand into a fist, nails digging into the soft flesh of his palm in attempt to calm himself down. The things is, for all he’s told everyone that he doesn’t want Zayn to wait for him, there’s a surprisingly huge, incredibly selfish part of him that does. He wants to be with Zayn and he wants Zayn to wait for him and he wants a lot of other things that he knows he shouldn’t want.   
    
All this time he’s been telling himself that he’s just being sensible - that he’s been doing what he needs to do. But Liam knows he’s also been a coward, because he won’t take a chance and do what he _wants_ to do. Liam’s just so afraid - afraid of messing this up for himself, for Emily, for Zayn. He’s so tired of messing things up.   
    
Louis’s studying him with this very calculated look and then his features change into something a lot softer. Liam thinks it’s so much worse than the smile he was getting earlier. “Are you not okay with this, Li? Because if you told Zayn you know in a heartbeat he would -”   
    
“He would what?” Liam laughs, the sound much more harsh than he intended. “Stop trying to move on? Go back to waiting for me when he shouldn’t be because I’m a fucking-”   
    
Liam can feel his voice rising and he stops, taking a deep breath that ends up sharp and ragged. He knows Louis’s looking at him with sympathetic eyes, but all he sees is Emily stop in her tracks, deep frown etched along her face.   
    
“Are you okay, daddy? What’s wrong?” she asks, running to him and he doesn’t even have the heart to tell her to walk because she looks so worried.   
    
“Nothing, baby. I’m fine,” Liam sighs, picking her up even though he knows she’s getting much too old for that kind of stuff. She doesn’t squirm though like she usually does, just wraps her thin arms around his neck and kisses his cheek. Her curls tickle at his nose but they’re soft and comforting, easing some of the tension in his chest.   
    
For a second Liam thinks that maybe he doesn’t want Zayn, because he’s got all he needs with Emily and his job and his friends. He’s in a good place and he could be happy because everything is finally falling into place.   
    
But then Liam remembers that Zayn is going on a date with someone that isn’t him and he gets that tight feeling in his chest again. Maybe he doesn’t have everything that he needs.   
    
“Louis, did you make daddy sad?” Emily asks when Liam finally puts her down.   
    
Liam can’t help but let out a small laugh at the genuinely offended face Louis gives in return. “I would never! How could you say such a thing?”   
    
“Good,” Emily scolds, and Liam’s laughing even more because she looks so much like his mum at that moment with her hands on her hips and her forehead scrunched up in little crinkles. “If you made daddy sad, I don’t think we could be friends anymore.”   
    
“I promise never to make your daddy sad ever, because there’s nothing I value more than our friendship,” Louis says with complete sincerity.   
    
Emily sticks out her pinky, and Liam watches fondly as Louis takes it in his own without a word, both of them kissing their thumbs and engaging in the most sacred of vows. Emily smiles brightly after that, running off to whatever she was busying herself with earlier, soft curls bouncing behind her.   
    
“Good kid you got there, Payno,” Louis says, slinging an arm across Liam’s shoulder. Liam leans into the touch, nodding slowly.   
    
“That I do.”   
    
\--   
    
Louis decides that a lads night is in order and he refuses to take no for an answer. Book club is over by the time Liam and Louis finish with the registry stuff, so Liam drops Emily at his mum’s and heads over to the pub they sometimes go to on weekends.   
    
Liam’s the last one there, and Niall’s handing him a pint the moment he takes a seat next to Louis at their regular booth. He tries to ignore how empty it feels without Zayn at his side, his knobbly knees accidentally bumping against Liam’s occasionally.   
    
“How you doin’, Liam?” Niall asks.   
    
Liam shrugs, already starting to feel too hot in the jumper he pulled on before leaving his flat. “‘M okay, I guess.”   
    
“Just okay?” Harry asks. “No overwhelming jealousy? No irrational anger? You don’t feel the urge to punch Niall in the face for setting Zayn up on a date?”   
    
The laugh Liam lets out at Niall’s gaping shock is completely genuine and he can feel the tension in his stomach settle a little, just like when he was holding Emily at the store. He’ll never admit it, but maybe Louis was right about needing a night out.   
    
“Jesus, Harry. Why would you go and give him an idea like that?” Niall says, twisting his face in disdain. “I’m no match against Liam. Have you seen them arms? Don’t stand a chance.”   
    
“I think your arms are very nice,” Harry answers with sincerity, squeezing Niall’s bicep in appreciation.   
    
Louis makes a disgusted face at the two and Liam laughs again, starting to relax even though he’s barely had a sip of his beer.   
    
They continue like that for the rest of the night – light banter and rounds of pints and Niall smacking Harry’s hand away every time he tries to swipe a few chips. Liam thinks there’s something off about their dynamic though, and he feels it every time he goes to giggle into Zayn’s shoulder and it’s Louis’s aftershave that he’s breathing in instead or when he feels something brushing up against his foot and it’s just Niall trying to stretch out his stiffening legs.   
    
They keep the drinks coming though, and it does help a little when Liam’s head is all fuzzy with alcohol. Liam actually forgets about Zayn for just a little bit until Louis’s phone vibrates in his pocket, interrupting him as he’s telling a story about his students trying to act out Shakespeare for the first time.   
    
“Who is it, then?” Harry asks, leaning over the table, trying to read the text.   
    
“Um, no one,” Louis says hastily, trying to shove the phone back into his pocket.   
    
Liam’s eye catches a glimpse of the screen, and his grip tightens around the glass in front of him. He’s switched to water for the rest of the night, but he’s suddenly itching for another beer. Maybe something stronger. Like rubbing alcohol.   
    
“Is that Zayn?” he asks, grabbing the phone out of Louis’s hand before he can successfully tuck it away.   
    
“Liam, I don’t think -”   
    
It’s a picture message of Zayn and a pretty girl with a shock of blonde hair. They’re both beaming at the camera, Zayn’s eyes crinkled at the corner and his tongue pressed against his teeth. The text at the bottom says _having a great time aha pezza’s really cool :) xx_   
    
The whole thing is a punch to the gut, honestly, and Liam shoves the phone back into Louis’s hands without another word. It’s immediately taken from his grasp by Harry who shows it to Niall with large eyes. Liam ignores it all though, is more concentrated on slowing his breathing and the uncomfortable churning in his stomach that intensifies every time he thinks about Zayn’s smiling face in the picture.   
    
“Are you really not okay with this, Liam?” Harry asks softly, after returning the phone to Louis. Liam doesn’t even realize he’s back to clutching at his glass until Harry is prying it from his grasp.   
    
Liam opens his mouth, but Louis beats him to it with a sharp warning. “Don’t you dare say you’re fine, Li. It’s obvious you’re not seeing as it looks like you’re about ready to go into Hulk mode at any moment.”   
    
“Okay, okay. I’ll admit, ‘m not really happy about this,” Liam mumbles, “but if it’s what Zayn wants then I’m not going to stop him. I just, like, I just really want him to be happy, y’know?”   
    
The alcohol is starting to resettle, making him sad and sleepy all of a sudden. It’s like thinking about Zayn – and more specifically, Zayn moving on – puts this heavy, suffocating weight over him that makes it sort of hard for him to breathe.   
    
“We want you to be happy too,” Harry says, squeezing Liam’s hand comfortingly across the table.   
    
“Don’t think we can have both right now, unfortunately.”   
    
Liam thinks that maybe he’s being a bit melodramatic, and it’s probably just the alcohol that’s making him feeling this way. But Harry’s looking at him with wide, sympathetic eyes, and even Louis looks understanding, so maybe what he’s feeling is totally justified.   
    
“You’re both being feckin’ twats.”   
    
Okay maybe not then.   
    
“Excuse me?” Liam splutters out, turning towards Niall the same time Harry and Louis do.   
    
“You and Zayn. You’re both being twats,” Niall says flatly, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms against his chest.   
    
“Niall, that’s not very nice,” Harry frowns.   
    
Niall rolls his eyes. “It’s true though. Zayn likes you. You like Zayn. You guys are adults – not one of Zayn’s bloody sixth form students. You need to get your shit together.”   
    
“Why’d you set Zayn up on a date if you thought we needed to get our shit together?” Liam hisses, and he can feel his anger rising. This feeling is new because Liam has a bit of a temper sometimes, but he never ever gets mad at Niall.   
    
He’s just so frustrated - frustrated at Zayn and frustrated at Niall and most of all, frustrated at himself.   
    
“First of all, I didn’t think he’d actually go for it,” Niall shrugs easily. “Second of all, if he did go for it, I was hoping it would knock some sense into you, Leemo. Except you’re still being a bit of a twat so I guess that didn’t really work.”   
    
Liam’s still glaring at Niall, who matches him with a cool, collected look of his own. The longer they sit like that, Louis and Harry looking between the two of them worriedly, the more quickly Liam feels his anger wane, like he doesn’t have the energy to keep it up.   
    
To be honest, he thought he _was_ being an adult. Liam put everything ahead of his own feelings – his education, his job, his daughter. Except Niall’s words make him feel like he’s just been acting like a fucking idiot by trying to ignore what’s happening with Zayn, trying to push it away because a part of him, even after all this time, is too scared to deal with any of it.   
    
He doesn’t blame Zayn at all for wanting to go out, for wanting to move on, but it hurts. It hurts because in a way it’s like he’s losing Zayn, and it seems like Zayn’s finally realized that Liam isn’t worth waiting around for anymore. That’s really the last thing he wants because if there’s one thing Liam absolutely cannot imagine, it’s life without Zayn.   
    
“Liam, just talk to Zayn, yeah?” Harry says, finally breaking the awkward silence with a sharp look towards Niall that he replies to with a shrug. He frowns, reaching across the table and taking Liam’s hand, giving it a soft squeeze.   
    
“What about Perrie though?” Liam says weakly.   
    
“Don’t think that’s gonna work out, honestly,” Niall says. “Pezza’s a great girl, but I can’t see her and Zayn as being anything but friends. That’s the reason I suggested her.”   
    
“You’ve been planning this for a while haven’t you, Horan?” Louis laughs. “Look at you, scheming all on your own. My little baby is growing up,” he says, wiping imaginary tears from the corners of his eyes and practically crawling over the table to coddle Niall.   
    
“Shove off, Tommo,” Niall says, face relaxing considerably as he tries to push Louis away. “It’s like I said. Just thought these twats needed to get their shit together.”   
    
Liam smiles softly too, the tension effectively broken by Louis and Niall’s giggles. He does think Niall is right. The idea of losing Zayn is so scary that it’s clear Liam has to finally do something about this. He has to push aside his fears and worries and just go for it and hope it all works out in the end.   
    
\--   
    
Zayn thinks the date with Perrie starts off well. Perrie’s incredibly pretty and she’s sarcastic and witty and Zayn quite enjoys her company. She’s so easy to talk to, and in some ways she reminds of him of Louis which is a bit weird, but not bad.   
    
But then they start talking about work and Zayn starts talking about school and then he starts talking about Liam and well – he can’t stop. Apparently this is Zayn’s life now. He can’t even go on a date with a girl he could totally get into without thinking about Liam the whole time.   
    
He’s in the middle of a story about Emily when he notices the way Perrie’s lips are quirked in amusement. It makes him stop mid-sentence. “Why are you looking at me like that?”   
    
Perrie’s grin grows. “Niall told me about this, and wow was he right.”   
    
“Told you about what?” Zayn scowls.   
    
“This thing between you and Liam. You’ve got it bad, boy.”   
    
Zayn’s eyes widen and he can feel the tips of his ears heating up. “Um –”   
    
“No hiding it, Malik, not that after that spiel you just went on.”   
    
For all it’s worth, Perrie doesn’t seem upset or annoyed or anything of the sort really. She’s interested, actually, in hearing about Liam and what’s been happening between them, and Zayn’s glad to have someone new to talk to about it all.   
    
“Wait, you’re not like mad right? I’m sure this date’s not exactly going how you like expected it to,” Zayn asks though, just to make sure.   
    
“Nah, I wasn’t looking for something serious anyway. I don’t really want to be in an actual relationship at the moment,” Perrie says, waving her hand dismissively.   
    
Zayn raises an eyebrow but leaves it at that, deciding it’s best not to get too into things that Perrie might not want to talk about. Plus, he’s all too happy to continue talking about Liam.   
    
“You know what you have to do, right?” Perrie asks when Zayn admits that he’s sort of at a loss about the whole situation.   
    
“What?” Zayn says warily. He’s not liking the sly look on Perrie’s face.   
    
“Gotta make him jealous,” Perrie grins, smile wide and sneaky and so Louis-esque it’s almost scary.   
    
“Excuse me?”   
    
“Just kidding, love,” Perrie giggles, and the glare Zayn sends her makes her burst into full blown laughter. “You’ve just got to talk to him, you idiot. Make him change his mind about this whole thing. From what I’ve heard from Niall, he’s just as gone for you as you are for him. It shouldn’t be too hard.”   
    
“I really doubt he feels exactly the same way,” Zayn scoffs, but he feels his face heat up anyway at the thought. “Anyway, we have talked before, and it just ends with us like, going in circles basically.”   
    
The thing is, they’re not stuck in some angsty, unrequited love story. Both of them know there’s something there but aren’t doing anything about it. Honestly, it all comes down to the fact that Liam thinks he’s just not ready for things, and Zayn doesn’t want to push him. He doesn’t want to ruin something before it really has the chance to begin, so he’s letting Liam go at this at his own pace.   
    
It’s just an infuriatingly slow pace that sometimes leaves Zayn with a worry that things will never really pick up.   
    
“You never know, maybe things will be different this time,” Perrie shrugs. “Just go for it, yeah? Nothing to lose.”   
    
They talk about it a bit more, and fuck he’s gonna have to thank Niall later for this. Perrie really is great even if she’s not exactly what he’s looking for because she’s just what he needed at the moment – someone to push him in the right direction and convince him that he has a lot more control over this situation than he originally thought.   
    
“You’re gonna do this then, right?” Perrie asks as the end of the night. “Not gonna chicken out?”   
    
“I promise to talk to him, Pez. And thanks for tonight. It really was great,” Zayn sighs, his smile completely genuine.   
    
Perrie smiles back, and for the first time in a long time, Zayn feels like maybe he can make some progress with this whole Liam mess.   
    
\--   
    
Liam’s maybe kind of sort of totally avoiding Zayn. It’s not all on purpose of course. Like they’re both adults and they have busy lives and it’s completely natural that there are times when neither of them have a minute to just talk.   
    
Except, okay, it’s definitely partially Liam’s fault because sometimes he sees Zayn and all Liam can do is give him these small, forced smiles and sometimes he leaves with weak excuses so him and Zayn don’t have to be alone together. He’s being awful and he knows it, but he just doesn’t know what to do.   
    
He thought it would be easier now that he’s decided to just talk to Zayn, but now there’s the problem that he’s confused about what to say and how to say it and how not to screw things up in general. Liam’s life is a mess.   
    
Liam’s not the only one on edge, either. Louis’s been super stressed with getting the play together since they’re nearing opening night, and he’s been rubbing off on Niall who’s slightly more cranky than usual. Harry for the most part has been playing the mediator, trying to lighten the tension a bit, but it’s really not helping much at all.   
    
After Louis finds out that Perrie has a bit of a theater history, she’s immediately roped into helping out with the show, acting as a second vocal coach and also as a dance instructor. It’s irritating to say the least, Liam has to admit. She’s been spending hours at rehearsals, Zayn frequently hanging back also, smiling and laughing with Perrie in a way that makes Liam’s stomach churn. Niall still says thinks there’s nothing really going on there, but that’s not what it looks like to Liam.   
    
At the end of November, Liam’s roped into staying through Louis’s final dress rehearsal of _The Sound of Music,_ Louis promising to take him out for drinks afterwards since Emily’s spending the day with her mum. He takes his time tidying his classroom at the end of the day, and sneaks in halfway through the first act to take a seat in the back of the auditorium. The play was quite a disaster in the beginning – extremely pitchy and unorganized – but Liam does find himself smiling all through “My Favorite Things” when he realizes things are finally falling into place. He’s not much of a musical theater fan, but Louis’s productions are always amazing and it’s worth sitting through the two hour shows to see him beaming with pride at the end.   
    
He’s all caught up in listening to Maria sing about _raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens_ to notice that someone’s come to sit beside him until there’s a voice saying, “It’s quite good now innit?”   
    
Liam jumps in surprise, and the stuttering of his heart only increases when he sees Zayn next to him, the smile on his face tired but otherwise much more genuine than it has been the past couple of weeks.   
    
“Uh, yeah,” Liam stammers, “it’s like, loads better than the last time I sat in.”   
    
They’re back to staring at the stage, watching as the Captain storms on set, interrupting the musical number. The silence between them is as tense as the lines of Maria’s shoulders as she tries to explain why the von Trapp children are not in bed. It’s the first time in a while that they’ve been together like this, and it’s the most time they’ve spent alone in weeks. Liam hates how the natural ease they usually feel is gone, how everything is weird and awkward and just _not right_ and he hates even more that it’s probably his fault.   
    
Neither of them says anything until everyone is off stage, Louis calling for a break so he can discuss something with Niall. It’s only then that Liam clears his throat, drawing Zayn’s attention to him.   
    
“I’m sorry,” he says finally, needing to get it out there, needing to jumpstart this conversation he’s been dreading.   
    
“For what?” Zayn asks, playing with a loose thread on his jumper. The sleeves are a bit too long, going past his wrists and almost to his fingertips - sweaterpaws he thinks idly, remembering Michael using the term - and it’s utterly adorable.   
    
Liam shrugs, and he finally looks up sheepishly, nodding his head to where Perrie’s standing in front of the stage. “For being a bit of a twat and avoiding you and stuff. The whole thing with uh, with you and Perrie, it just surprised me a bit, I guess. Caught me off guard.”   
    
Zayn bites his lip and he laughs weakly. “I’m sorry too. I should’ve told you, Li. I just like, didn’t know how I guess?”   
    
Liam thinks he understands that but there’s no denying that part of the reason he was so upset was that Zayn never _told_ him about the date with Perrie. Liam’s always the first to know about the things happening in Zayn’s life. When things happen, Liam turns to Zayn and Zayn turns to Liam. It’s how they work – how they’ve always worked. The fact that Zayn never said anything to him just made it feel even more like Liam was losing him and losing that connection to him that’s always drawn Liam in.   
    
“It’s okay, Zayn, I get it. Like why you didn’t. But really it’s fine. I definitely could’ve handled it better.”   
    
“Yeah, you could have,” Zayn jokes, knocking their shoulders together and Liam laughs, the tension in his chest easing considerably.   
    
They turn their attention back to the stage for a minute, watching as Perrie hoists herself up to direct the von Trapp children around the set. Zayn’s watching fondly, and Liam thinks it’s that that finally gets him to ask, “So, um. I never actually asked. How did your date go?”   
    
To Liam’s surprise, Zayn just shrugs. “It was okay. Like, Pezza’s super cool, but there’s not really anything there y’know? We decided to just be friends.”   
    
Liam blinks owlishly a few times. “What?”   
    
“What? You never asked if Perrie and I were actually dating, you arse.”   
    
Zayn’s actually fucking smirking at him and oh God, Liam could probably punch him right now. Or maybe punch himself or possibly even punch Niall like Harry originally suggested, because _of course_ Niall was right and Liam’s just been being a fucking idiot.   
    
“You mean I’ve been driving myself mad with jealousy and avoiding you and stuff for no reason?” Liam groans. “Fucking hell.”   
    
“You were jealous?” Zayn asks with a more glee than necessary, and right, of course that’s the only part he focuses on.   
    
“Of course I was jealous. You were going on a date, for Christ’s sake. And like I felt like I shouldn’t be jealous because it’s not like we’re together but like, God, Zayn, I couldn’t help it. I was so fucking jealous of a girl you’re actually just friends with. And it’s stupid, I know, but I felt like I was losing you or something.”   
    
Zayn’s features soften a little and he hesitantly puts his hand over the one that Liam’s got lying on the armrest. “You’re never gonna lose me, yeah? As long as you need me to be here for you, I’m gonna be here. Whether you like it or not.”   
    
Liam turns his hand over and curls their fingers together, marveling not for the first time how easily his fit in the spaces left between Zayn’s. “I know that, which just makes me feel worse sometimes. Like I’m sorry I’ve been such shit about all this. I just – you know sometimes I feel like I’m just not –”   
    
“Not ready,” Zayn smiles easily. “Don’t worry, Li. I’ll be here for you when you are.”   
    
And maybe this isn’t how Liam wanted this conversation to go, because it feels like they’re just back at square one. But Zayn is smiling softly at him and holding his hand and it feels right so Liam decides maybe it’s not the time to push it.   
    
“Where’s Emily?” Zayn asks, trying to change the subject now that they’ve shed the awkwardness a bit, except the question makes Liam stiffen a little.   
    
“Dani’s in town for the night. Took Emily out after school ended,” he explains, trying not to let the tight lines around his mouth deepen.   
    
Liam doesn’t talk about Emily’s mum much, thinks it’s better not to dwell on how things were and what went wrong. All he’s really told Zayn is that Danielle’s a dancer in London and that she goes overseas a lot. Her and Liam are on good enough terms and she calls often enough to keep in touch with Emily. Liam’s just a bit on edge whenever Danielle’s in town, because he hates how out of sorts Emily gets when she leaves again.   
    
“Is she staying long?”   
    
“Just in for tonight. Leaving again in the morning,” Liam sighs. “‘M already dreading what Em’s gonna be like tomorrow. She’s always miserable the day after.”   
    
“I can come over tomorrow night if you want? Help keep you guys company and cheer Em up a bit,” he offers.   
    
“We’re coming to the show tomorrow night actually,” Liam sighs. “As per Louis’s request.”   
    
“Oh, I’ve already got tickets to closing night,” Zayn pouts. “It’s when I always go.”   
    
Liam mulls things over for a second before suggesting, “How about weekend after next then? The show will be over by then and I was thinking of having everyone over? Emily would love some help putting up the tree.”   
    
He’s been planning this for a while. It’s been too long since the five of them have been together for something other than early mornings in the teacher’s lounge and Liam knows Emily loves it when everyone is over at their tiny flat.   
    
“Yeah, that sounds perfect,” Zayn agrees, and Liam tries to ignore the way his heartbeat speeds up when his lip turn up in that perfect tongue-against-teeth smile.   
    
\--   
    
It’s a quiet morning for once, a rare occurrence since they’re approaching the end of term. Louis’s texting Eleanor quietly, finally relaxed now that the play is over and he’s had some time to rest and recover. Niall and Harry are bent over a stack of papers, dopey smiles on their faces as they shuffle through them and Zayn’s got his head pillowed on Liam’s shoulder, catching a quick ten minute kip before he has to leave for class.   
    
It’s been surprisingly easy, Liam thinks, for him and Zayn to fall back into their familiar pattern of small touches and soft smiles. But maybe he shouldn’t be surprised because it’s always been easy with Zayn, ever since day one when Liam was overly determined not to fall for the beautiful and quiet man he met at the pub.   
    
“We’re still on for Saturday, right?” Niall asks, finally looking up from the papers that Harry is putting away before any of them can really catch a glimpse of what they are. The two of them have been rather secretive lately, and Liam really can’t imagine why.   
    
“Definitely,” Liam nods, trying his best not to bother Zayn.   
    
Louis sighs in relief. “Thank God. It’ll be the perfect way to unwind after conferences this week. Hate talking to parents – they’re always bloody awful.”   
    
“Hmm, they’re not all bad,” Harry disagrees, settling into Niall’s side once he’s got their mysterious papers tucked safely into his bag. “I quite enjoy talking to some of them. They’re usually very kind to me.”   
    
“That’s because you’re a primary teacher,” Louis says. “Listen no parent is all too chuffed to be talking to their kid’s drama teacher because the only reason to have a conference with your kid’s drama teacher is because your kid is _failing drama class_.”   
    
“Don’t think I have any today,” Liam says. “It’ll be nice to just finally go home right after class ends.”   
    
“Don’t you have that one,” Harry frowns, “with uh what’s-her-name – Kennedy’s parents today? I remember you complaining about that because then you would need to find someone to take Em to ballet, but today was the only day the parents were free.”   
    
Liam frowns too, wracking his brain for a minute and – shoot. Shoot shoot shoot shoot. “Aw, shoot,” he exclaims, jerking straight up and jostling Zayn, making him snuffle angrily – and very cutely – like a puppy. “Sorry, mate. But _shoot_. I totally forgot to find Emily a ride to ballet. How’d that slip my mind?”   
    
This is completely unlike Liam who’s usually so on top of things. He’s always had to be in order to balance all the things that he’s had to do at one time – school, work, Emily. He never forgets things, but how did he forget this?   
    
“Can one of you take her? Please?” Liam asks desperately, looking around the table.   
    
Everyone exchanges similar guilty expressions and Liam’s heart sinks.   
    
“Gotta meet El right after I finish meeting with a few parents,” Louis says. “It’s the only time she’s free and we’ve got some wedding stuff to do.”   
    
Liam turns to Harry and Niall who seem to having some kind of weird silent discussion that ends in a pointed look from Niall and a sigh from Harry. “Sorry, Liam. We’ve got a meeting with the –” he cuts off when Niall elbows him in the ribs – “I mean, we’ve got somewhere to be right after school and we can’t really be late.”   
    
Generally, this sort of behavior would rise Liam’s suspicion, but he’s freaking out a little right now, so he lets it slide. “What do I do?” he moans.   
    
“I can take her,” Zayn mumbles, yawning into Liam’s shoulder afterwards. “I don’t have any conferences today and I’ll be here when she gets out anyway because a kid in one of my classes is staying after to do a timed-writing assignment.”   
    
“Really?” Liam asks, sagging with relief. “You’ll be a lifesaver if you could Zayn, really.”   
    
“Yeah, ‘s no problem. Told you I’ll always be here for you. Now, stop fussing. Want to sleep a few more minutes.”   
    
Liam rolls his eyes at how easily Zayn drifts back into sleep, and then looks up at the others who are looking at him, clearly amused by something.   
    
“What?” Liam asks.   
    
“You,” Louis says, smiling and clapping a hand on the shoulder that’s not occupied by Zayn, “are a proper idiot.”   
    
Liam opens his mouth to say retort but Niall cuts him of saying, “Make sure Sleeping Beauty gets to class,” as he gets up and pulls Harry to his feet with him.   
    
Louis follows behind them as they leave the teacher’s lounge, and Liam’s left confused with Zayn still snoozing quietly.   
    
\--   
    
“You’ve got ten minutes left, Luke,” Zayn says looking briefly at the clock before going back to the papers he’s grading. There’s still a huge stack to get through before the end of term and it doesn’t seem to be getting any smaller.   
    
Luke looks up at him with wide eyes, writing turning more frantic as the minutes tick by. Zayn hates timed writing, knows that it doesn’t really prove anything other than how much bullshit a student’s able to spew out in forty-five minutes. It’s something he has to do though so it does get done occasionally.   
    
Right at the five minute mark, Luke gets up from his seat, all but slamming his paper down on Zayn’s desk. “Done,” he says, proudly.   
    
Zayn restrains from rolling his eyes, and adds Luke’s paper covered in barely legible handwriting to his to-be-graded pile. Luke’s still standing there, confidence wavering a bit as he bites down on his recently pierced lip.   
    
“Thanks, Luke, you can go now,” Zayn says, raising an eyebrow.   
    
“Actually, um, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something, Mr. Malik?” Luke asks nervously. “Like, I just don’t know who to ask and you’re really chill so I thought you could give me some advice?”   
    
Zayn looks up at him in surprise. Students don’t really come to him that often, though he encourages them to, and Luke’s always been a bit quiet, not really participating in class discussions but always listening intently. It’s a bit of a shock that he’s standing there asking him for help, and he looks overly-endearing with his long limbs and too-small uniform that he’s already grown out of even if he just got it that year. Zayn really doesn’t want to say no but.   
    
“I actually have to go pick up Mr. Payne’s kid from the primary department –”   
    
“Oh, I have to go that way too actually! I’m meeting Ashton there. He’s picking up his little brother,” Luke says. “We can walk together or something, please, Mr. Malik?”   
    
“Yeah, yeah, okay, let me just get my stuff,” Zayn concedes, packing up his papers so he can finish his grading at home.   
    
“So, what’s the problem?” Zayn asks when they’re outside in the hall, making their way to the other half of the school.   
    
Luke looks more nervous now, teeth grazing against the little ball of metal beneath his lip. “Oh. Okay, um. Have you ever been in a position where you were like really into someone and like you think they were into you too but you couldn’t get together with them?”   
    
Zayn almost laughs because, yeah, he might be a bit familiar with the feeling. “Yeah, I’ve sort of been in that position. But, like, what do you mean by you can’t get together?”   
    
“Well, they’re um, they’re a bit older,” Luke admits, blushing a little, and okay, maybe his thing with Liam isn’t that similar to Luke’s situation after all. “And like we might get in trouble maybe if we did anything? I’m seventeen, so I’m like legal, but there’s other things there too. We haven’t actually talked about things, but it’s like, we both know why we can’t do anything right now.”   
    
“So you just feel stuck?” Zayn asks. “Awkward middle ground where you can’t go left and you can’t go right?”   
    
Luke nods, looking down at his feet as they walk. “Do I just have to like wait it out?”   
    
“If they’re worth waiting for, then yeah,” Zayn says, stopping when they get outside and he can see Emily standing with her teacher. “I don’t want you to get into any kind of trouble, Luke. But if this person thinks you’re worth waiting for and you think they’re worth waiting for, then you’ll just have to be stuck in the middle ground for a little while longer. Like it sucks alright? A lot. But I think it’ll be worth it in the end.”   
    
Luke nods, biting his lips again as he looks over Zayn’s shoulder to where his friend Ashton is standing, holding the hand of a younger boy and laughing with Harry and his assistant Michael. Zayn watches curiously as Michael looks over their way, eyes widening and turning back to Ashton when he sees Luke standing there with him.   
    
Zayn thinks he gets it when he sees the tips of Luke’s ears change color. “Listen, Luke, you come talk to me if you need anything else, yeah? Just like. Don’t do something you’ll regret, okay?”   
    
“Thanks, Mr. Malik,” Luke smiles, and Zayn gives him a pat on the shoulder before he turns to walk towards Ashton and his brother.   
    
Zayn watches him go for a little while before making his way over to where Emily’s standing with her teacher, Miss Pinnock, a lovely girl Zayn’s seen Perrie chatting up on more than one occasion.   
    
“Zayn!” Emily exclaims, smiling when she spots him making his way over. He returns the hug she gives him, breathing in the familiar scent of her curls and sinking into her easily.   
    
“Hey there. How’s my favorite girl today?” Zayn asks, smiling softly at her.   
    
“Good. Where’s daddy? Are you taking me to ballet?”   
    
“I am. Daddy’s meeting with some parents, so guess you’re stuck with me today,” Zayn teases, pulling on one of her curls gently. “Is that okay?”   
    
Emily pretends to ponder for a minute before sighing dramatically. “I guess it’s fine.”   
    
Zayn says bye to Emily’s teacher, waving to Harry also as him and Emily make their way to his car in the teacher lot.   
    
Emily’s silent as they start making their way down the familiar streets to the dance studio where she takes ballet. Zayn’s given her rides there plenty of times in the past few years when Liam was too busy to do it himself. Usually Emily’s a bit more talkative though, opening up the way she does whenever she’s with someone she feels very comfortable around.   
    
Liam had mentioned the other day that she’s been this way for a while – quieter and more grumpy than usual. He thinks it’s because of Dani’s visit which always throws Emily off for a little while. Generally she’s out of sorts for just a few days, but sometimes it could last a couple of weeks, and when it happens, there’s little Liam can do to lift her mood.   
    
“Zayn,” Emily says after a while, and Zayn moves his eyes briefly to look at her through the rearview mirror, “do you ever miss your mummy?”   
    
“Yeah, all the time,” Zayn admits, his heart almost physically hurting at the sadness in Emily’s voice. “It’s hard not having her around isn’t it?”   
    
Emily nods, still looking out the window as they pass by familiar houses and storefronts. “What do you do when you miss her?”   
    
“Um, usually I call her. If I have time I go to visit her. But it’s hard because she lives sort of far away and we’re both very busy.”   
    
“I like it when mum comes to visit, but I don’t like it when she leaves. I don’t think daddy likes it either. He’s never very happy when mum’s around,” Emily says. It’s always amazed Zayn how observant she is, especially when it comes to Liam. Almost like she’s the one taking care of him sometimes.   
    
“Your daddy just doesn’t like it when you’re sad, baby. And he knows that sometimes you get sad when your mum leaves.”   
    
“I think daddy misses her too. Sometimes I think daddy’s lonely when we’re at home. He likes it better when you’re over or Harry or Niall or Louis. He looks happier,” Emily, biting the corner of her lip. She finally turns towards Zayn, brown eyes wide. “I think you make him happiest though.”   
    
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think all of daddy’s friends make him happy,” Zayn says, trying to keep the heat he can feel in his face from spreading.   
    
“No, it’s different when you’re with him. Daddy laughs more and he smiles at you differently than he smiles at Harry and Niall and Louis. It’s sort of like how he used to smile at mummy before she left,” Emily explains, a thoughtful expression on her face that makes her seem ages older than just seven.   
    
Zayn doesn’t really know what to say to that, and it doesn’t look like Emily’s really looking for an answer anyway judging by how she goes back to looking out the window. It’s always a bit of a surprise to him how much other people think Liam cares about him. And like, Zayn knows that Liam cares, that there’s something between the two of them, but it’s hard to imagine sometimes that Liam could love him even fractionally as much as he loves Liam.   
    
They’re silent for the rest of the ride, Zayn thinking about Liam, his thoughts also straying to Luke and Michael. It really, really does suck sometimes, having to wait. But he really does believe what he said to Luke was true – in the end it will all be worth it.   
    
\--   
    
Saturday morning, Liam wakes up and pulls out the little plastic tree that his mum had gotten for him a few years back and sets it up in the living room. He’d much prefer to have a real tree, used to love going out with his mum and dad and sisters to pick one out and set it up, but they’re much too expensive and there’s not much space in their small sitting room. The year he and Emily finally move into their own house though, Liam’s buying them a real tree so large it’ll barely fit through the door and their house will smell like fresh pine all the way to Easter. For now though, this is just fine.   
    
They have an abundance of mismatched ornaments that they’ve collected over the years, and Emily doesn’t even bother waiting for the others to start putting them on the tree. It’s not long before Louis’s there though, always the first to arrive, and then Niall and Harry are coming in not long after, once again wrapped in matching Christmas sweaters. Zayn’s late, but no one’s surprised.   
    
“Oh, jeez, I forgot about these,” Louis cackles from where he’s digging through the box of ornaments that Liam’s left on the coffee table. He pulls out a bauble that has a picture of Niall making an awful face printed across it.   
    
Niall scrunches up his nose as Harry lets out a loud laugh, smothering it quickly with his hand. Louis’s pulling out more, one with each of their faces on it, every picture more terrible than the last.   
    
“Worst gift you ever gave me,” Liam laughs admiring the baubles nonetheless.   
    
“Worst or best, Liam? Because I am rather fond of these,” Louis asks, placing the Harry one on the tree.   
    
“Definitely the worst,” Harry agrees placing the Niall one next to his own.   
    
Louis goes to move the Niall one across the tree and rolls his eyes when he’s met with a whine of protest from Harry. “Can’t even separate your Christmas baubles. Codependent idiots. The branch is going to break with the weight of both those on it.”   
    
“Our love will keep it together,” Harry insists.   
    
They’re already halfway done when Zayn finally gets there, cheeks pink from the cold and holding presents under his arms. He smiles sheepishly, putting them under the half-decorated tree.   
    
“Trying to upstage us, Malik? We already know Liam likes you best, you didn’t have to go and bring presents already,” Louis teases and Zayn just laughs and gives him a light slap upside the head that makes Emily giggle.   
    
“Oi, no fighting. Set a good example you two,” Liam scowls but his face softens when he takes a seat next to Zayn on the couch. “Really, though you didn’t have to bring anything.”   
    
“Bought these a while ago,” Zayn shrugs. “Thought I might as well just bring them over now instead of bringing them over later.”   
    
For the first time in forever, Liam feels completely at ease. Things always feel so simple when they’re all together, teasing and laughing and doting on Emily every second they can. Liam will never admit it, but it does feel sort of empty in the flat sometimes without Harry and Niall’s laughter and Zayn and Louis’s banter.   
    
It’s also just nice being here with Zayn, getting to spend some time with him outside of school. They exchange subtle touches every once in a while – a hand on the small of Liam’s back, Liam’s fingers brushing against the back of Zayn’s hand when they pass ornaments to each other – and everything just feels perfect.   
    
He feels everyone else’s eyes on him during the day – Niall’s knowing glances and Louis’s waggling eyebrows when he maybe possibly catches Liam checking out Zayn’s bum when he’s bent over looking through a box of decorations – but it’s easier to just ignore them all. Liam doesn’t want to think about what could be or what should be or anything right now. He just wants to enjoy this moment. He wants to be with his daughter and with his best friends and he just wants to feel the overwhelming happiness he always does when they’re together in this little makeshift family of theirs.   
    
They’re basically done trimming the tree when Emily starts rifling through the boxes, moving from one to another with increasing frustration. “Where’s the angel, daddy?” she asks, eyebrows furrowed as she digs through the last unchecked box.   
    
All of them turn to Louis who’s blinking back with feigned innocence. “What are you all looking at me for?”   
    
“You know why, you knob,” Zayn hisses, and it’s obvious they all remember Louis drunkenly bumping into the tree last year, resulting in the loss of a few baubles and the angel tree-topper that Liam’s mum had gotten when she bought him the tree.   
    
“The angel broke last year, sweetie. Remember?” Liam says gently, ignoring Louis’s adamant declarations that he doesn’t remember a thing - “You wouldn’t,” Niall whispers, “you were pissed off your arse.” - and shouldn’t be held responsible.   
    
Emily’s face falls, lip quivering just enough to make Liam’s heart clench. “Oh yeah. I forgot that.”   
    
“We’ll find something else to find to put on top of the tree, Em, don’t worry,” Zayn says quickly, pulling her into his side and narrowing his eyes at Louis who finally is starting to look guilty.   
    
“We can put a picture of Zayn,” Niall jokes, “he’s quite pretty isn’t he? Just like an angel.”   
    
Emily giggles a little and shakes her head and Liam rolls his eyes.   
    
“Pretty as Zayn is,” he says, purposely avoiding Zayn’s eyes and hoping the heat rising to his face isn’t prominent, “I don’t think that’d be very appropriate.”   
    
“We can just put Emily on the tree then,” Harry says, sneaking up behind Emily and swooping her up in his arms. She struggles fruitlessly, giggling the whole time. “She’s quite the star.”   
    
“No, Harry, put me down,” Emily gets out, almost breathless from her laughter, and Liam smiles too because he’s so lucky to have such great people in life.   
    
“Fine,” Harry sighs in resignation, dropping Emily down gently onto the couch next to Niall who’s laughing freely at their antics.   
    
“Listen, Em, how about I take you out to get a new angel, yeah?” Louis suggests, plopping down between Niall and Emily on the couch and cuddling Emily into his side.   
    
Liam shoots Louis a wary glance that he’s pointedly ignoring. “Lou, that’s not really necessary.”   
    
Emily’s beaming already though, looking up at Louis in excitement. “Really, Louis?”   
    
“Yeah, sweetheart, of course.”   
    
Despite Liam’s protests, Louis’s already getting up and putting on his coat and scarf, helping Emily into hers afterwards.   
    
“Louis -” Liam says sharply, but he’s ignored in the hurry to get dressed.   
    
“It’s okay, Li,” Zayn says, placing a hand on Liam’s shoulder, and the simple gesture does calm him down a little. “Let Louis do this, yeah? I think he feels bad about what happened.”   
    
“You guys know I don’t know like it when you spend money on us. We don’t - we don’t need help,” Liam pouts.   
    
“It’s not help, you goof,” Louis says finally, looking up from where he’s gathering his keys. “I broke your angel and I’m getting you a new one. That’s all it is.”   
    
Liam knows that’s all it is, that Louis doesn’t see him as a charity case or anything. It still gets under his skin though, feeling like this isn’t something he can fix himself. “Maybe I should come with you.”   
    
“Harry and I got this, mate,” Niall says, clapping Liam’s back supportively. “We’ll make sure Louis doesn’t go overboard.”   
    
“Yeah, you stay here with Zayn and man the fort,” Harry smiles, kissing Liam’s cheek. They’re out the door in a flurry, Emily calling out, “Bye, daddy! I love you!” before Liam can get another word out.   
    
Liam’s standing there in front of the tree frowning until he feels an arm go around his waist and he remembers. Zayn’s there too. He’s alone with Zayn in an empty flat.   
    
Zayn nuzzles his cheek against Liam’s neck, stubble catching against his skin. The gesture is familiar and comforting, and Liam can feel himself relaxing involuntarily like he usually does around Zayn. “It’s okay, Liam. Nothing to get worked up about right?”   
    
Liam nods and smiles weakly. And it’s fine. Everything is fine he knows it’s nothing to worry about. He just can’t help it sometimes.   
    
“Listen, since we’re alone,” Zayn says suddenly, and Liam watches as he walks over to the tree and picks up one of the small packages he’d brought with him, “I was thinking you could open my gift now? Like I know Christmas isn’t for another week but like, I just, wanted to see you open it.”   
    
Zayn’s fiddling with the box nervously and Liam’s smile comes more easily this time as he grabs Zayn’s wrist, pulling them both onto the couch. “Yeah, of course, Zayn.”   
    
The box is wrapped sort of messily and Liam doesn’t tear through it too carefully, too curious about what’s inside that’s got Zayn’s leg bouncing up and down in anxiety.   
    
“I like, I understand if you don’t like it,” Zayn says, biting his lip as Liam gets off the last of the wrapping paper. “You don’t have to keep it. I just thought I don’t know. I just thought of you when I found this.”   
    
Underneath the wrapping paper is a plain white box, completely unmarked. Liam lifts the lid with no hesitation and his eyes widen when he sees what’s inside, surrounded by tissue paper.   
    
It’s a gold watch, old but well taken care of, the glass face scratch-free and the metal shining. It’s rather simple compared to other watches Liam’s seen but it’s beautiful and definitely more expensive than most of the things that Liam owns.   
    
Liam’s speechless and his surprise must be clear on his face when he finally looks up because Zayn lets out a small laugh.   
    
“Like it?”   
    
“It’s so great, Zayn. But why?” Liam replies, shaking his head in awe.   
    
Zayn shrugs, nervous again. “I just remember you saying you liked collecting watches. Remember you getting that one when you graduated and the one when you started work this year. Thought you might like this too, even though it’s not for like, a special occasion or anything.”   
    
It’s true, that Liam’s always liked watches. He remembers his dad explaining that a watch isn’t just a watch. It’s a symbol of passage of time, an indicator that no matter what, life goes on and the hands keep turning. The concept that all things can be fixed with time has always been important to Liam, especially when he was struggling to get his life back together after Dani left.   
    
He doesn’t have too many watches, and definitely none as nice as the one Zayn’s given him. He’d gotten a hand-me-down from his dad on his sixteenth birthday that he still wears and one from his mum when the day he started uni. Other than that he’s only got the two that Zayn’s mentioned. The one he has in his hand now though. It’s almost too much.   
    
“It’s so lovely Zayn,” Liam says honestly, turning the watch between his fingers, too afraid to put it on. “Where’d you even get this?”   
    
“It was my baba’s. Gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday, but I’ve never worn it. Found it not long ago and got it touched up for you.”   
    
Liam’s shaking his head now, holding the watch back out to Zayn who’s looking at him in confusion. “Oh no, no, no Zayn. I can’t take this if it’s your dad’s. No way.”   
    
Zayn laughs, taking the watch from Liam’s hand and pulling on his wrist. Liam stares in wonderment as he unclasps it, slipping it over Liam’s hand and fitting it around his wrist. “Liam, really, it’s no big deal. Like I don’t wear watches. It was probably going to just sit around collecting dust or somethin’. I’d much rather you have it.”   
    
“Are you sure?” Liam asks uncertainly. Zayn’s already hooked the clasp again, but his fingers are still lingering on Liam’s wrist.   
    
“Positive,” Zayn smiles. “There are few people in this world that are as important to me as you, Liam. There’s no one else I’d rather see wearing this.”   
    
Maybe it’s the raw honesty of Zayn’s words, the complete sincerity of his eyes, but Liam feels his chest tighten and fuck. He doesn’t think he’s ever loved anyone, except for Emily, as much as he’s loved Zayn in that moment. Zayn who has waited for him even though he’s not worth waiting for and Zayn who’s given him his father’s watch and just admitted that Liam’s one of the most important things in his life.   
    
He’s not really thinking about it all, the way he breaks away from Zayn’s light grasp and raises his hand to touch the side of Zayn’s face and feel soft skin and rough stubble underneath his fingertips. One moment he’s staring into Zayn’s eyes and the next he’s moving closer until their lips finally meet.   
    
Zayn’s breath hitches in surprise, but Liam barely notices. He doesn’t notice anything really except for the way his mouth fits against Zayn’s and the taste of cigarettes mixing with something that is purely, undeniably Zayn. He keeps kissing Zayn, too caught up in everything he’s feeling to do anything else, and _finally_ Zayn starts kissing back.   
    
He presses himself closer to Liam and Liam feels his fingertips brushing against Liam’s face and everything is so, so perfect because he’s kissing Zayn and Zayn is kissing him and nothing else matters in that second. Liam’s thought about this of course, imagined it happening in a thousand different ways, but he never could’ve imagined it feeling like this. There was no way he could’ve ever pictured the buzzing and the warmth and the excitement. It’s everything he always feels with Zayn, except intensified and condensed in a single mind-blowing sensation.   
    
Liam’s pretty sure he never wants to stop. He wants to sit here and kiss Zayn forever except the front door is opening and they break apart, both him and Zayn staring owlishly at Niall who has the world’s biggest smirk on his face.   
    
“Lou forgot his wallet,” Niall says, trying to smother his laughter. “Sorry, for interrupting.”   
    
Liam can feel the heat flooding his face as Niall leaves, letting out an extremely audible laugh the minute the door’s closed, and Zayn smiles shyly at him, ducking his head down and rubbing the back of his neck.   
    
“So, I’m guessing you liked it then?” Zayn finally says and the burst of laughter bubbling in Liam’s chest is completely genuine.   
    
“Yeah, Zayn. I loved it.”   
    
\--   
    
Zayn wakes up early the next morning and he makes coffee and has breakfast and even makes a relatively significant dent in his to-be-graded pile. But then he’s in the middle of an essay he’s reading and it hits him - Liam kissed him last night.   
    
Liam kissed him and it wasn’t just once. He’d kissed him again when Niall left to rejoin the others and then again when Zayn was leaving to go home, and oh God Liam _kissed him_.   
    
It’s possible that Zayn’s having a panic attack or something very similar because he can’t believe that after all this time, Liam kissed him. Like actual proper kissed him like with his lips and with tongue and teeth and fuck.   
    
So Zayn does what it is he always does when he’s freaking out and he texts Louis.   
    
_Zayn Malik_   
> _liam kissed me last night_   
_> what do i do??_   
_> help ????_   
    
It takes a few minutes for Louis to answer and Zayn tries to clear his head in that time, taking deep breaths so he can just - calm down.   
    
_Louis Tomlinson_   
_> yeah, i know_   
_> niall told us ;)_   
    
_Zayn Malik_   
_> what do i do???/_   
_> louis_   
_> LOUIS_   
    
Zayn’s phone rings just a minute after his last text and he answers it quickly, forgoing his hello for, “ _Louis_. What do I _do_?”   
    
“Jesus, Zayn you’re acting like this isn’t what you’ve been hoping for since the second you two were introduced,” Louis answers, amusement dripping from every word. Zayn can picture the smirk on his face and wishes he could reach through the phone and hit him.   
    
“It is. You know it is. But like. What if he didn’t mean to? Or it was a spur of the moment thing? What if he regrets it now? What if he’s sitting at home wondering why he did it -”   
    
“Calm down, Zayn. Just talk to him, yeah? You realize half of your and Liam’s ‘problems’ could be solved just by talking to each other, right?” Zayn can hear the air quotes in Louis’s words. “Anyway, Liam loves you. You know that. Liam knows that. Even if it was like spur of the moment or whatever, Liam definitely won’t regret it. Just. Talk to him.”   
    
Zayn sits and breathes for a little, finally calming down. Louis’s right. Zayn can deal with this, he can handle this. It’ll all be fine. “Yeah I’ll talk to him. Thanks, Lou.”   
    
“Anytime, bro. I gotta go yeah? El and I were doing some wedding stuff and I ran into the loo to ring you. She’s probably wondering where I am.”   
    
Zayn says a quick goodbye, and then there’s a click as the line goes dead. He sinks farther into the couch and suppresses a groan. Liam kissed him and now he has to go talk to him about it.   
    
\--   
    
Zayn decides to walk to Liam’s flat since it’s not too far. It gives him time to burn off his restless energy and the cold December air helps to clear his head a little. He’s calmed down considerably by the time he’s knocking on Liam’s door and he’s surprisingly not nervous at all when Liam opens it, smiling at him warmly.   
    
“Zayn! What are you doing here?”   
    
“Um, just wanted to talk to you,” Zayn answers, shuffling his feet but trying to keep things as casual as possible. “About last night. When you uh, kissed me.” He blurts the last part out unintentionally, and okay, so maybe he’s a little nervous still.   
    
Liam bites the corner of his lip and opens the door farther. Zayn tries not to get too worked up over the worry on his face. “Oh. Okay. Um, come inside. I can make us a cuppa, yeah?”   
    
Zayn doesn’t mention that he’s already had his coffee for the day and just nods instead, following Liam into the small kitchen and taking a seat at the round breakfast table as Liam begins tinkering around to make tea. They sit in silence as Liam goes through the familiar motions, and soon Zayn’s sitting with a warm mug between his palms. He wonders when it was exactly that Liam learned exactly how Zayn likes his tea.   
    
“So, last night,” Liam starts, taking a seat across from Zayn and smiling nervously. Zayn’s still nervous also, but he can’t tell if Liam’s nervousness is a good nervousness or a I-didn’t-mean-to-kiss-you-and-now-I-don’t-know-how-to-tell-you nervousness.   
    
“You kissed me,” Zayn decides to say when Liam stops and they’re just stuck staring at each other awkwardly. It’s one thing saying those words in his head and to Louis, but it’s another thing altogether when he says them to Liam and he can feel his heart stutter and see the tips of Liam’s ears go red as he ducks his head.   
    
“I did.”   
    
Liam’s smiling still, but a bit more comfortably now. There’s an odd expression on his face that Zayn’s having trouble reading. It’s a bit like disbelief, but more like the bubbly, happy disbelief that Zayn felt when Liam had first pressed their mouths together than the kind of disbelief that leaves you aching and absolutely gutted.   
    
Zayn doesn’t know what to do or what to say, so he takes a sip of his tea even though it’s still a bit too hot and it nearly burns his tongue and the roof of his mouth. His mind is racing a little and it’s hard to collect his thoughts and when he finally speaks his words are a bit jumbled.   
    
“I just - Liam, I’m confused. I didn’t think about it last night, because last night - last night was amazing. But like, I don’t think I could handle it if you tell me now that you didn’t mean for what happened to like happen. That you regretted what you did or something or -”   
    
“No,” Liam says sharply to stop him, reaching across the table to grab one of Zayn’s hands. Liam’s hand is soft and warm and familiar in his own and Zayn feels the noise in his head dim down a little when he finally locks eyes with Liam. “I don’t blame you for being confused. I know I’ve been a bit of a twat. Trust me, Niall’s told me this on multiple occasions.” Zayn laughs and Liam gives a small smile as he continues. “I definitely do not regret what I did last night though.”   
    
There’s an indescribable joy swelling inside Zayn at that moment and he feels like there are tiny bubbles travelling inside his veins and to his heart. He doesn’t want to get too excited but he can’t help it. Liam didn’t regret kissing him.   
    
“So what does that mean exactly? Like for us?”   
    
“I think it means I’m ready to try being us?” Liam asks, continuing when Zayn nods in understanding, “I just. Zayn, I don’t want to mess this up. And I don’t want to mess up everything I’ve built for me and for Emily. But I don’t want to lose you either. You’re too important to me. So, yeah. I think I want to give this a try, if that’s okay?”   
    
Liam looks so hopeful, brown eyes wide and honest and his grip on Zayn’s hand strengthening. In response, Zayn simply leans forward and prays to God that he doesn’t do something stupid like knock his tea over.   
    
When their lips meet, the kiss is soft and simple, just the two of their mouths moving together like this is what they were made to do. Liam’s beaming when they pull apart and he’s so close that Zayn thinks he can count every single one of his thick, dark lashes.   
    
“That’s definitely okay,” Zayn finally replies and he didn’t think it was possible but Liam’s smile grows impossibly wider.   
    
Zayn stays for the rest of the morning helping Liam make breakfast for Emily who’s fast asleep despite the fact it’s nearing noon. He’s riding high on his love and affection and his genuine happiness that this is finally happening. Liam is finally his.   
    
“I told Louis we shouldn’t have let her stay up so late,” Liam huffs, scraping eggs out of the pan and onto a plate. Zayn thinks the frustration on his face as he frowns at the burnt leftover pieces stuck to the bottom is very cute.   
    
Zayn laughs, pouring a glass of orange juice and setting it down with the eggs at Emily’s seat at the table. “It’s just one night, Liam, it’ll be fine.”   
    
Liam just pouts and Zayn kisses him with a giggle because that’s something he’s allowed to do now.   
    
“Are you going to tell her?” Zayn asks, sitting down and watching as Liam prepares a few slices of toast.   
    
“Tell her what?”   
    
“About us. Like, y’know.” Zayn just shrugs casually, not so subtly admiring the lines of Liam’s shoulders as he patters around the kitchen and fixes the rest of Emily’s breakfast.   
    
When everything is spread out around Emily’s seat, Liam plops down on the seat next to Zayn, placing his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “I suppose we have to don’t we? Do you think she’ll be okay with it?”   
    
Liam’s voice is small, quiet and it never fails to amaze Zayn how much Liam cares about Emily, how much he loves her and puts her above everything else. Zayn’s sure that if they didn’t have Emily’s approval, Liam wouldn’t hesitate in ending things quick, but Zayn’s not worried really.   
    
“I think she’ll be okay with it,” Zayn soothes, carding a hand through Liam’s hair. “She was worried about you, did you know? Thought you were lonely.”   
    
“Typical, even got my seven year old daughter worried about me,” Liam sighs. He turns his head, snuggling his nose into Zayn’s neck and tickling against his skin. “She’s too observant sometimes, isn’t she?”   
    
Zayn kisses the top of Liam’s head softly. He knows he doesn’t have to ask if Emily was right, if Liam really was lonely. It doesn’t matter now, because he’ll do anything he can to make sure that he never feels that way again.   
    
\--   
    
The first thing Liam realizes about what his life is becoming is that, with Zayn, everything is easy. He’s not sure exactly what he expected, because that’s the way it’s always been with Zayn. From the very beginning they fell into each other quickly and simply, never complicating things except for when it came to Liam and his own fears of what would happen if they started anything new and different.   
    
They tell Emily that morning when she’s finally up for breakfast. It goes over more smoothly than Liam can hope, Emily just nodding thoughtfully when Liam stumbles over his words to explain that him and Zayn are dating now.   
    
“Like Niall and Harry or Louis and Eleanor,” Emily says with a smile and Liam nods.   
    
“That’s right sweetheart,” Zayn smiles, squeezing Liam’s thigh when he sags in relief.   
    
Emily just goes back to her breakfast with one last smile and Zayn giggles in happiness, placing a chaste kiss to Liam’s cheek that leaves Liam feeling warm and pleasant for the rest of the day.   
    
It’s even easier to tell the rest of the boys. All it takes is Zayn sending a quick text to Louis, and then suddenly Liam’s phone is blowing up with messages from Harry and Niall only a few minutes later. It’s all good things though, encouragements and congratulations and cleverly lewd uses of emojis.   
    
It’s only a week until Christmas is upon them, and the holidays pass in a blur of missing Zayn as he goes back to Bradford to visit his family. His absence is oddly noticeable, even though Liam’s surrounded by his own family the whole week.   
    
Liam tells his mum about him and Zayn when the two of them are alone in the kitchen together, working on Christmas dinner. She beams when she hears the news, tears predictably glistening in her eyes as she embraces Liam and kisses his cheek, saying how happy she is for him.   
    
“He’s always been my favorite, you know,” she smiles, wiping away a few tears as she goes back to cutting potatoes.   
    
“Mine too,” Liam replies, smiling softly, cheeks reddening just slightly when his mum giggles.   
    
There’s a part of Liam that’s still afraid of messing things up, like this new relationship is a fragile piece of art crafted with glass that will shatter at the slightest touch. They’re trying to take things slow, but Zayn’s always been such a huge part of Liam’s life that it’s easy for him to find spots in Liam’s daily routine and in his home.   
    
It’s strange because not many things have changed. Zayn’s always had a favorite seat on the couch and a favorite mug to use when he stops by for tea and a favorite jumper to knick from Liam’s closet if the heating’s acting up. But now Zayn’s favorite seat is the seat he sits in after he and Liam have tucked Emily into bed and his favorite mug is the one that he uses as he grades papers at Liam’s kitchen table and takes breaks to help Emily with her homework and his favorite jumper of Liam’s is the one that’s always surrounded by the scent of Gucci by Gucci. The subtle differences are enough to make Liam wonder how he ever lived alone in this flat with just Emily and no traces of Zayn surrounding him in every corner.   
    
The first time Zayn spends the night is a couple weeks after winter terms start. He’s been at Liam’s flat all day, having picked Emily up after ballet while Liam did some grocery shopping at the nearby Tesco. He’s brought a huge stack of papers with him, sharing some of the particularly awful ones with Liam who reminisced not so fondly of his own English classes.   
    
Liam stays up with Zayn as he works long after Emily’s put to bed. The telly’s on low, but he’s barely paying attention, preferring instead to sneak glances at the way Zayn’s tongue works over his lips as he reads, hand moving easily across papers and pausing only to push up the thick framed glasses slipping down the straight slope of his nose. His other hand is placed on Liam’s thigh, palm warm through the fabric of Liam’s joggers. Occasionally Zayn subconsciously taps out erratic patterns with fingers as he thinks and Liam loves the feel of his fingertips against his skin.   
    
Unfortunately, the days when Liam could stay up into the late hours of the night are coming to an end, and he’s exhausted by the time it’s nearing midnight. He starts to doze off, head lolling onto Zayn’s shoulder and startling him out of his work.   
    
“Hey. Tired?” Zayn asks softly, free hand coming up to tangle in Liam’s hair and massage his scalp. Liam leans into the touch more than willingly before nodding.   
    
“A bit,” Liam admits, trying to hide the large yawn threatening to spill out of his mouth but failing miserably.   
    
Zayn smiles and kisses the side of Liam’s forehead and Liam can’t help but smile back a bit dopily. “I can go home if you want. You should get to bed,” Zayn whispers, snuggling his nose into Liam’s neck, kissing the skin there as well.   
    
Liam giggles, Zayn’s breath tickling against him as he moves to press kisses in the soft spot behind Liam’s ear. The decision comes to him naturally, and he doesn’t stop to dwell on it much. “Or you could, uh, stay tonight.”   
    
Zayn freezes, drawing back quickly to blink owlishly at Liam from behind his glasses. “Really?”   
    
“Yeah,” Liam grins, hand moving to cup Zayn’s face and bring him close for a soft and slow kiss. “Really.”   
    
Zayn’s grin is massive, and he pulls Liam in again, kissing him a bit more harshly this time, with a bit more fire. Liam knows this is a huge step, asking Zayn to stay. It’s the first time he’s done so after they’ve gotten together, and Liam can tell from the way that Zayn’s clutching onto his shirt and running his tongue over Liam’s bottom lip that the offer is important to him. They’ve been moving at a pace Liam was comfortable with, and this is the first time he’s shown real signs of moving forward, of taking a risk.   
    
The both of them are breathless and giddy when they part, foreheads steepled together and noses brushing slightly as they try to catch their breath. Liam’s heart is still beating a bit fast when they separate and he’s grinning hard as Zayn finishes up the paper he was working on.   
    
Zayn follows Liam to his bedroom afterward, the two of them making a quick stop in the washroom to brush their teeth, elbows bumping together as they stand in front of the small sink. Zayn borrows a pair of joggers from Liam that are loose on his hips and a vest that dips low to reveal the ink on his chest and collarbones.   
    
They share a few kisses when they’re in bed together, both of them too tired to do anything more than that. Liam places his lips against the ones inked into Zayn’s skin before he reaches over to turn off the lights, pillowing his head on Zayn’s chest and falling asleep quickly to the beat of his heart.   
    
\--   
    
Winter term seems to be passing by fast with Louis stressing more and more with his wedding coming up in a few months and Niall and Harry continuing their shared whispers and overly-secretive behavior that’s got Liam wondering what exactly they’re up to.   
    
“Eleanor’s driving me crazy,” Louis moans loudly one morning, barging into the staff room and flopping down in his usual seat next to Zayn. “There’s just so many napkin samples a man can look at before he wants to tear his hair out.”   
    
“It was your choice to have a big fancy-schmancy wedding, mate,” Niall says, eyes glued to his phone. He looks a bit distressed, Harry kneading his shoulders with his eyebrows furrowed as he leans in to take a look at the screen. Liam wants to know what it is causing the matching frowns on Harry and Niall’s faces, but knowing the two of them it could be something as simple as Niall losing terribly at CandyCrush.   
    
Zayn seems a bit more sympathetic than Niall, slinging his arm around Louis’s shoulders and tilting their heads together for a quick side-hug. “Don’t worry, bro. It’ll all be worth it in the end, yeah? Think you just need a break for a while.”   
    
“How about lad’s night, then?” Liam suggests. “This Friday after work? Can probably get me mum to watch Emily for the night.”   
    
It’s a bit of a surprise when Louis pulls away from Zayn’s embrace to give Liam a confused look, the expression mirroring the ones on Harry and Niall’s faces as they finally tear their eyes away from Niall’s phone. “Um, maybe not then?” Liam asks, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.   
    
“Liam, it’s Valentine’s Day on Friday,” Harry says slowly, like he’s explaining something very simple to one of the kids in his class.   
    
Liam’s eyes widen and oh. Zayn looks just as surprised as him though, and they exchange sheepish glances before laughing nervously.   
    
“You idiots both forgot didn’t you?” Niall asks, laughing loudly, smile completely genuine for the first time that morning.   
    
“Didn’t forget,” Zayn grumbles, eyes narrowed as the other two join in on Niall’s laughter, “just didn’t realize it was, y’know, this week.”   
    
Louis claps Zayn on the shoulder and Liam can’t help but laugh at the distaste on his face. “You two are the worst loved-up couple ever. Have you even been on a date yet?”   
    
Zayn shrugs Louis’s hand off his shoulder, crossing his arms. “Of course we have. We go out all the time.”   
    
“Think what Lou means is if you’ve had a proper date,” Harry says, dimpling extremely cheekily, “like an adult date. Without Emily.”   
    
Zayn chews the corner of his lip and Liam realizes that, well, they haven’t, not really. It’s not their fault though. Between winter hols and work and Emily there hasn’t been a lot of chances for just the two of them to be alone. They haven’t even gotten many opportunities to get each other off, which Liam thinks is a disappointment on many, many levels.   
    
“Guess we’ll be having our first proper date on Valentine’s Day then,” Liam declares, placing his hand on Zayn’s thigh and kissing him on the cheek. “I think that sounds quite romantic, doesn’t it?”   
    
Zayn relaxes under his touch, smiling softly, and it’s enough to help Liam ignore Louis’s fake gagging and the kissy faces Niall is making at them. “Yeah, Li. Sounds perfect.”   
    
\--   
    
It turns out that finding a dinner reservation three days before Valentine’s Day is quite the struggle, but Harry pulls through for them by getting a table at the restaurant his friend Nick works at.   
    
“Grimmy promises you’ll have the best seat in the house,” Harry beams, sinking into Liam’s thankful embrace.   
    
“You’re a lifesaver, Haz, really.”   
    
Liam’s mum promises to watch Emily, patting Liam’s cheek affectionately when he asks and answering with a, “Of course, dear. You and Zayn deserve a night out. You know you can leave Emily with me whenever you need.”   
    
It’s been well, quite a while since Liam’s been on a date, to be honest. He’s a bit jittery, all nervous energy as he rifles through his closet to find something to wear. It’s a bit ridiculous really because it’s just Zayn, but it feels different from all the days the two of them have spent just lounging around the flat. Liam feels more of a need to impress, like if he doesn’t do this right, Zayn will change his mind about wanting to be with him.   
    
“Daddy, you haven’t even started getting ready,” Emily exclaims when she comes into Liam’s room twenty minutes before Zayn’s supposed to get there and ten minutes before his mum is supposed to come pick her up.   
    
“Don’t know what to wear, Em,” Liam mutters, pulling out a shirt, frowning at it, and putting it back. Nothing seems right.   
    
Emily shoves in front of him and this is Liam’s life now. He needs the help of his seven year old daughter to get dressed for a date.   
    
Together they pick out a black button up and Liam chooses a pair of tight black trousers that makes it look like he has some semblance of a bum. He pairs it with the black vest he’d worn to Harry and Niall’s wedding and a simple black blazer he’s had for ages and finally the watch Zayn had gotten him which he rarely takes off these days.   
    
“You look very handsome, daddy,” Emily beams as Liam fixes his collar in the mirror.   
    
Liam thinks he looks reasonably presentable, though probably nowhere near as good as Zayn will mostly likely look. But he’ll do.   
    
“Thanks, baby,” Liam grins, ruffling Emily’s hair and giggling at her squawk of protest. “Where’s your nan, huh? She should’ve been here by now.”   
    
Emily shrugs. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon.”   
    
It’s nearing seven according to Liam’s watch, and he sighs hoping his mum won’t be too late. Their reservation is at eight and it takes a bit of time to get to the restaurant - he’d hate to lose their table.   
    
As he puts the final touches to his hair, Liam wonders absentmindedly if he should’ve shaved, but it’s too late now he supposes. He’s smoothing out the invisible wrinkles in his shirt as the doorbell rings, and he sighs in relief when Emily goes bounding off to open the door.   
    
Liam’s a bit surprised to hear Emily say, “Zayn! You look very nice today. Almost as nice as daddy,” and hear Zayn’s laughter carry through his small flat. He feels nervous butterflies dancing in his stomach, and he wonders if it’s because his mum is still not here or because he’s minutes away from going on his first actual proper date with Zayn.   
    
After a few last calming breaths, Liam steps out of his room and is met with the sight of Zayn sitting in his favorite spot on the couch, looking attentively at something Emily’s showing him.   
    
“Hey, you. Didn’t expect you to actually be on time,” Liam jokes, and Zayn’s head snaps up, grin widening as he takes Liam in.   
    
Liam doesn’t think he’ll ever truly get over the feeling of Zayn looking him over, eyes wide with wonderment and want like he’s the one that’s lucky to have Liam and not the other way around. The way Zayn licks his lips is making Liam hot underneath the collar of his shirt, and fuck he really wishes Emily wasn’t there so he could push Zayn against the couch and press his thigh between Zayn’s legs.   
    
“I’m just full of surprises, aren’t I?” Zayn says, grinning wolfishly as he makes his way towards Liam, pressing their lips together in a kiss that is way too chaste to warrant the pool of heat in Liam’s belly. Zayn just looks so good, all clean cut with his crisp white button up and skinny tie and clean-shaven face. Liam wants to do a lot more than just kiss him.   
    
“Ew, you guys said no kissing,” Emily whines, hands over her eyes and pointedly staring in the other direction.   
    
Zayn giggles against Liam’s lips before pulling away, and it takes everything in Liam not to just pull him back in.   
    
“But it’s Valentine’s Day, Em. We’ve got to kiss a little,” Zayn pouts. He leans over the back of the couch to tickle Emily’s sides.   
    
Emily squeals in laughter, and Liam watches them fondly with a warmth that’s hard to duplicate.   
    
“Okay, okay, but only a little. It’s still gross,” Emily lets out, completely breathless after Zayn’s finally finished tickling her.   
    
The two of them go back to looking at what Emily was showing Zayn before - a book she’d gotten at the library last week - and Liam walks the couple steps to the kitchen, pulling out his phone to call his mum. It’s past seven now and he really doesn’t want to be late for their reservation.   
    
His mum picks up quickly with a hurried, “Liam, dear! I was just about to call you.”   
    
“Where are you, mum? Are you okay?” Liam asks, sitting down at the breakfast table so he’s facing the sitting room. Zayn shoots him a curious glance and Liam smiles to let him know everything’s fine.   
    
“Yes, yes, I’m fine, love. Got a spot of bad news though. I’m afraid I can’t watch Emily tonight, after all. Got called into the hospital last minute for work.”   
    
“Aw, mum, seriously?” Liam whines, knowing full well how immature he sounds.   
    
“Yes, seriously Liam James,” his mum scolds, “you know this isn’t my fault. Couldn’t you get someone else to watch her?”   
    
Liam refrains from letting out a huff of disappointment. “No, everyone’s got plans today, mum. What about dad?”   
    
“He’s at work too, dear. I’m sorry, you know we wouldn’t be having this conversation if there was anything I could do.”   
    
There’s resignation and disappointment flooding through Liam and he closes his eyes for a few seconds before responding with, “I know mum, it’s okay, I understand. You get to work. I love you.”   
“Love you too, Liam. I hope you still manage to have a nice night.”   
    
The line cuts out and Liam puts his phone down with a sigh, only to be met with Zayn’s worried eyes almost immediately.   
    
“Is something wrong?” he asks coming over to take the empty seat next to Liam and taking Liam’s hand in his own.   
    
Liam shakes his head. “No, just me mum. Apparently she got called into work. Can’t watch Emily for the night.”   
    
Zayn smiles in relief, stroking a thumb across the back of Liam’s hand comfortingly. “Is that it? You got me worried. Is there anyone else that can watch her?”   
    
“Pretty sure we’re the only two idiots that forgot it’s Valentine’s Day,” Liam says, scrunching his nose.   
    
“Guess we’ll have a night in then, yeah?”   
    
“Really wanted to take you out though,” Liam complains, bringing Zayn’s hand up to his lips, “take you on a proper date or whatever.”   
    
Zayn lets go of Liam’s hand to bring his own up to cup Liam’s face, palm catching against stubble as he strokes across the swell of Liam’s cheekbone. “We don’t need to go on a proper date or whatever. As long as we’re together, yeah? That’s all I need and all I could ask for.”   
    
Not for the first time, Liam wonders what he did to deserve someone as wonderful as Zayn in his life. He’s pretty sure he’s the luckiest person in the world to have found someone who fits into his life so well.   
    
Liam calls into the restaurant and reluctantly cancels their reservation. Instead, with Emily’s help, they make dinner in Liam’s tiny kitchen, purposely bumping hips and brushing fingertips as they prepare sauce for pasta. Liam finds a bottle of wine, probably left from Louis’s birthday, and pours two cups of it in his nicest glasses for him and Zayn. They eat on the couch off Liam’s chipping plates, Emily seated between them as they watch a movie, and well, Liam thinks it’s a bit perfect really, thinks that Zayn’s right and they don’t need a proper date because this is so much better.   
    
By eleven, Emily’s eyes are starting to droop, so Liam goes to tuck her into bed as Zayn takes care of the dishes.   
    
“Sorry you couldn’t go on your date,” Emily yawns sleepily after she’s gotten into bed.   
    
Liam kisses her forehead, smoothing out the hair on the top of her head. “It’s quite alright sweetie. I had a wonderful night.”   
    
Zayn’s done the dishes and is lazing on the couch by the time Liam comes back out, smiling down at him when Liam flops down next to him.   
    
“Tonight was lovely,” Zayn says, wrapping his arm around Liam’s waist and kissing behind his ear.   
    
“Was wasn’t it?”   
    
Liam cranes his neck a bit, giving Zayn permission to trail his lips down it, pausing only to lick at Liam’s birthmark. Zayn pushes gently on Liam’s chest, and Liam lays down on the sofa, Zayn coming up to straddle his hips and continue the kisses he’s leaving on Liam’s skin.   
    
They haven’t had the chance to do much really, never finding the right time or place. Liam’s aching for it though, is almost desperate to get his hands on every part of Zayn’s skin and see him come apart.   
    
“I should probably leave soon, huh?” Zayn asks, nipping at Liam’s collarbone after he undoes the first few buttons of Liam’s shirt.   
    
“I was thinking you’d stay the night,” Liam replies, trying to suppress a moan as he feels Zayn’s teeth graze his skin.   
    
Zayn rolls his hips slightly, just enough for Liam to feel the semi pressing through his pants, and says, “Guess I could do that.”   
    
They’ve barely closed and locked Liam’s bedroom door before Liam’s pulling at Zayn’s tie, working hastily to get the buttons of his shirt undone. Their lips are pressed together, using more tongue and teeth in their kiss than anything, and fuck Liam’s been waiting for this for so long.   
    
They fall into bed a bit clumsily, tripping because Liam’s struggling to get his pants off, and they end up tangled up in each other and laughing as Liam battles with his shirt at the same time Zayn starts undoing the buttons of his own. Zayn’s giggles turn into a hiss though when the white button up finally falls to the floor and Liam has a chance to get his mouth on Zayn’s chest, scraping his teeth gently against one of his nipples.   
    
“Liam,” Zayn moans as Liam’s lips trail lower, stopping where the top of Zayn’s briefs are poking out from the top of his trousers.   
    
“Gotta stay quiet, yeah?” Liam says, popping open the button and looking up to see Zayn nod while biting down hard on his lips.   
    
Liam’s barely undressed himself, has just his shirt half unbuttoned and his cock is straining against his boxer briefs, but he’s more pressed about getting Zayn’s pants and briefs down past his thighs. He really can’t wait much longer.   
    
It’s been a while since Liam has done anything with anyone really, but he doesn’t hesitate in wrapping his lips around Zayn’s cock, choking only slight as he moves down it, but finding his rhythm quickly. Zayn’s letting out small hisses every time Liam works his tongue over the head, his fingers clutched tightly to the bed sheets. Liam can tell he’s working hard to keep quiet, and he hopes that next time they do this, he can make Zayn scream.   
    
Liam hollows his cheeks slightly, memorizing the taste and feel of Zayn in his mouth, not stopping even when Zayn chokes out, “ _Liam_ , gonna - fuck -” and his mouth is filled with the salty bitterness of Zayn’s come. Zayn’s boneless when he pulls off, chest heaving with his heavy breathing.   
    
“Fuck, Liam,” Zayn sighs, and Liam smiles, crawling between the V of his legs and kissing him on the mouth, getting lost in the way Zayn’s tongue curls around his and licks the taste of himself out of Liam’s mouth.   
    
“You’re not nearly naked enough,” Zayn mumbles, running his hands down Liam’s back to grab at his arse and pull their hips closer together. He undoes the last few buttons of Liam’s shirt clumsily, flipping them over easily after it finally hits the floor.   
    
Liam pushes down his own briefs, barely having time to kick them of before Zayn grabs his prick, long fingers wrapping around it and starting to jerk him off hard and fast and a bit too dry. A strangled half moan escapes Liam’s lips that he desperately tries to smother, and Zayn smirks as he pushes back Liam’s foreskin to reveal the head, leaking with pre-come.   
    
“Gotta stay quiet, yeah?”   
    
Before Liam can say anything, Zayn’s flicking his wrist in just the right way, and Liam’s coming all over his stomach and the top of Zayn’s hand. He’s breathing hard, nearly moaning again when Zayn licks the come off the back of his hand, smirking down at Liam because he knows exactly how the sight of it is making Liam feel.   
    
“I’ll go get us something to clean this up with,” Zayn smiles, and Liam just nods, barely able to move as he watches Zayn pull on a pair of sweats Liam had left on the floor and sneak off quietly to the washroom.   
    
He returns a few minutes later with a warm, wet flannel, using it to wipe up the come drying on Liam’s stomach, and then throwing it off to the floor somewhere when he’s finished. Liam turns the lights off and they both get under the covers, Zayn’s back pressed against Liam’s chest, Liam’s arm wrapped securely around Zayn’s waist.   
    
“This is one of the best Valentine’s Days I’ve ever had,” Liam says honestly, placing a soft kiss to the back of Zayn’s neck.   
    
Zayn hums in agreement and soon they’re both drifting off to sleep.   
    
\--   
    
Zayn thinks that if there’s one thing he’ll never get used to, it’s waking up next to Liam. He’s not sure how it happens really, how he finds himself in that position more often than not these days. It’s like one day he suddenly found he had his own drawer in Liam’s dresser and his own toothbrush in the washroom. Sometimes he goes back to his own flat and finds himself missing his favorite pen or a book or a jumper and realizes that it’s back at Liam’s.   
    
It’s not like Zayn’s permanently moved in or anything. He understands that Liam wants to take his time with things, that he doesn’t want to rush into something. And that’s fine. Zayn’s okay with letting things take their course because at least he’s with Liam finally, and that’s more than he could ask for.   
    
Emily’s spending the night at a friend’s house one Friday night and Zayn and Liam take full advantage of the empty flat, barely leaving bed for any reason. Zayn’s completely wrecked, can feel the bruises already starting to form on his hips and he knows he’ll be sore in the morning, but it’s okay. He’s more relaxed and content than he’s been in a long time, and he knows it’s because of the way Liam’s legs are tangled with his under the sheets, his body pressed along Zayn’s side and his head pillowed on Zayn’s shoulder.   
    
“Liam,” Zayn says, trying to get his attention before he falls asleep. Liam makes a soft noise of acknowledgement and Zayn takes it as a sign to continue, “Y’know how we have that long weekend coming up soon? I was wondering if we could go up to Bradford then, to like, see my parents and stuff. You, me, and Emily. It’d be nice, right?”   
    
Liam’s silent for a few seconds, and Zayn would think he really has fallen asleep but his breathing is much too uneven. It makes Zayn worry if he’s said the wrong thing, if he should’ve waited to bring this up.   
    
“Yeah, I think that’d be real nice,” Liam answers finally, and Zayn smiles in relief, running a hand through Liam’s hair.   
    
Zayn’s been wanting to take a trip up to Bradford for ages - he hasn’t seen his family since Christmas and he misses them terribly. He knew, however, that the next time he went, he wanted to take Liam with him, and that’s mainly what’s been keeping him from making the drive there. Liam’s met his parents before, but it’s one thing for them to meet Liam his friend and another to meet Liam his boyfriend.   
    
Most importantly, Zayn didn’t want Liam to feel pressured into anything. If Liam wasn’t ready to meet Zayn’s parents as his boyfriend, that was okay with him. The main thing was that he just really didn’t want to lose Liam.   
    
\--   
    
The drive to Bradford is a little under four hours, so it’s not an awful trip to make by himself, but Zayn admits it feels a lot shorter with him and Liam taking turns at the wheel so Zayn has the chance to take a quick kip for a few minutes. It’s nice really, watching the landscape outside the window change as they move out of London, and Zayn enjoys spending the few hours pointing out familiar landmarks to Emily and playing silly games with her to pass the time and keep her entertained.   
    
Liam seems to become a ball of restless energy the closer they get to Zayn’s old childhood home. Zayn decides it’s better if he drives the last leg of the journey since he’s more familiar with the local roads, and that leaves Liam in the passenger seat, fingers beating out an erratic rhythm on his thighs.   
    
“Hey, no need to be nervous, babe,” Zayn says, reaching over to take one of Liam’s hands in attempt to calm him down. “Me parents love you, yeah? Love Emily too. And you know the girls are quite smitten with you as well. Got nothing to worry about.”   
    
“I know,” Liam says, smiling weakly, “just haven’t done this in a while. Don’t want to mess anything up.”   
    
Zayn takes his eyes off the road for just a second to throw a reassuring glance at Liam. “You couldn’t mess this up if you tried.”   
    
That seems to calm Liam down, at least until they’re pulling up to Zayn’s driveway and he’s back to fidgeting with his collar and the bottom of his shirt. Zayn rolls his eyes but takes Liam’s hand anyway once they’re out of the car, intertwining their fingers. It’s another thing Zayn still marvels at – how he’s allowed to hold Liam’s hand whenever he wants or kiss him whenever he feels like it. The reality of everything they are is still a bit mindboggling at times.   
    
“It’ll be fine,” Zayn says, not for the first time that day, the words losing meaning to his own ears. They seem to work on Liam though, who takes one last calming breath before and schools his expression into something more like determination, like he’s off to face a battle or something. Zayn thinks he’s a bit ridiculous, but it’s not off-putting at all. If anything, it’s endearing as hell how much Liam wants Zayn’s family to love him, even though they’re practically all head over heels from him already anyway.   
    
Zayn’s mum answers the door, and he barely has a chance to say hello before she’s pulling him into her and he’s surrounded by the familiar smells of her perfume and the spices she uses in her cooking. The best way to put it is that she smells like home, and because of it, Zayn feels a tension he didn’t even know he was carrying slip away.   
    
“Oh, Zayn, it’s so lovely to see you, sunshine,” she gushes, kissing him on the cheek, and Zayn’s so happy to see her again that he doesn’t even feel embarrassed by all her coddling.   
    
“You too, mum. Missed you lots,” Zayn says, trying not to sound too sappy but probably failing miserably.   
    
His mum pulls back and gives him one last look full of warmth and fondness before she’s rearing on Liam, bringing him into a bone-crushing embrace that catches him a bit off-guard if his wide eyes are anything to go by. “It’s good to see you too, Liam. I’ve been hearing all about how happy you’re making my _jaan_.”   
    
“Mum,” Zayn whines but she just shushes him, making Liam giggle.   
    
“It’s good to see you as well, Tricia,” he smiles, and Zayn’s relieved at how much more relaxed he seems. “Emily and I are really glad that you’re letting us visit.”   
    
Emily’s hiding behind Zayn’s legs and, because of all her usual excitement and curiosity, Zayn often forgets that she’s actually quite shy around people she’s not familiar with. She does perk at the sound of her name though, peering out from behind Zayn with a shy smile.   
    
“Thank you for letting us into your home,” she says politely to Zayn’s mum who absolutely shines with delight.   
    
“It’s no problem, dear,” she says warmly, like Emily is one of her own, “you’ve gotten quite big haven’t you? My, my, how time passes.”   
    
Zayn’s mum ushers them all inside where Zayn’s sisters greet them with excited hugs of their own. Doniya couldn’t get the weekend off from work, but it’s enough just to see Waliyah and Safaa. It’s unbelievable how much Zayn misses them most days, especially since Waliyah is off at uni now and not always able to make it home when Zayn visits.   
    
For most of the day, Zayn sticks by Liam’s side in attempt to make him feel more comfortable. It’s soon obvious though that he doesn’t need to. Liam relaxes considerably as the day goes on, sinking into Zayn’s family the same way that Zayn had sunk into his. It makes something in Zayn’s chest swell, seeing his own sisters playing with Emily and keeping her company and seeing Liam in the kitchen with his mum, helping her prepare dinner. He can’t help but think that this is the way it should be, that this is the way things were meant to work.   
    
Zayn’s dad comes home right before dinner, greeting his mum with a kiss on the cheek and Zayn with a huge hug he sinks into easily. Liam’s greeted with a firm handshake he nervously returns. Liam relaxes though when Zayn’s dad pulls him into an embrace as well, saying that he’s really happy that Zayn’s found such a good man in his life. He’s all shy and blushing after that, but there’s a huge beam on his face that won’t disappear, especially not when Zayn wraps his arms around his waist and kisses his cheek.   
    
When it’s time to eat, Zayn calls Emily for dinner, and she comes practically running to him, a huge smile on her face. He’s glad to see that she’s happy and adjusting well even though they’re in an environment she’s not familiar with at all. She’d met Zayn’s family when she was very young, and Zayn’s sure she doesn’t remember them very well.   
    
“Zayn, can we come back here again? Safaa’s really nice, she’s been letting me play with all her old toys,” she says pulling on Zayn’s hand excitably and making him laugh.   
    
“Sure, sweetheart. Did you wash your hands for dinner?” Zayn asks, ignoring the way Waliyah is standing next to him, unable to hide her amused smile.   
    
Emily nods and makes her way into the kitchen, immediately taking the empty seat next to Safaa who Zayn’s sure she’s decided is her new best friend.   
    
“What is it then?” he asks Waliyah whose smile turns into laughter almost immediately.   
    
“You are such a _dad_ now.”   
    
Zayn scrunches up his nose in confusion. “What d’you mean? I’m not a dad, Wali.”   
    
“Might as well be,” Waliyah scoffs. “You’re all responsible and domestic now. Gross.”   
    
Zayn shoves her lightly as he goes back to the kitchen, trying to ignore her cackles and the way her words make his skin feel all tingly.   
    
Dinner is nice, and Zayn’s hit with the same moment of sadness he always is when he realizes how much he misses his family and how hard it is being away from them all the time. But it’s great being here now, especially with Liam at his side, the two of them bumping elbows and brushing fingers all through the night like quiet reminders of _I’m still here for you_.   
    
“Is that my watch?” Zayn’s dad asks curiously in the middle of dinner when Liam reaches across the table for something and the sleeve of his shirt rides up to reveal his wrist. Zayn hadn’t even noticed that he was wearing it, and he wonders now how often Liam decides to put it on.   
    
“Oh, um, yes,” Liam stutters, turning slightly red from the curious glance he’s getting from Zayn’s dad. “Zayn gave it to me. For uh, Christmas. I hope that’s okay.”   
    
Zayn squeezes Liam’s thigh under the table in an attempt to make him relax but he can tell it doesn’t help much. The tight lines of Liam’s shoulders don’t loosen until Zayn’s dad nods in approval.   
    
“No, I don’t mind at all. It looks good on you. Better you have it than letting it sit and collect dust in Zayn’s flat somewhere. Heaven knows it’s a mess in there all the time.”   
    
“Baba,” Zayn whines, but he smiles when he hears Liam laugh next to him, “please, my flat is not a mess.”   
    
Waliyah rolls her eyes and shoots him a look. “Baba’s right, your flat is disgusting. I still have nightmares about that one weekend I spent there.”   
    
Zayn’s about to reply with some scathing remark when Emily interrupts and asks, “Zayn, what does ‘baba’ mean?”   
    
“It means, ‘dad’,” Safaa replies with a smile and Zayn nods, glad to have the topic of conversation change. His flat really isn’t that messy, he swears.   
    
“That’s right. It’s just like how some people say ‘papa’ or how you say ‘daddy’,” Zayn explains. “We grew up speaking two languages - Urdu and English - in Urdu, ‘baba’ is how you say ‘dad’.”   
    
“That’s cool,” Emily says, genuinely fascinated with this new information. Zayn’s always loved how she has an undeniable interest in learning new things. She’s biting her lip now though, the way she always does when she’s thinking hard about things. “Is it okay if I call you that, Zayn?”   
    
Zayn’s eyes widen and he can feel Liam tense up next to him. He’s not really all that sure what to think because well, it’s one thing to have Waliyah joke about him being like a dad but this, this is an entirely different matter.   
    
“I don’t think that’s very appropriate, Em,” Liam frowns, clearing his throat with a forced cough. “Zayn’s not your dad.”   
    
Emily just shrugs, pushing food around her plate and obviously unaware of the awkward tension settling around everyone else at the table. “But he does all the things you do, daddy. He drives us to school and to dance and he helps me with my homework and he cooks dinner and tucks me into bed. When he’s home with us it feels like I have two dads instead of just one.”   
    
Zayn’s looking down at his plate, and he’s just well, very confused. It’s overwhelming, hearing Emily say that she thinks of him almost like a father, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. But it’s made worse from the way Liam is frowning next to him, fist clenched around his napkin and clearly upset or _something_ by what Emily’s said.   
    
“Zayn may - he may do all those things, Em, but he’s still not actually your dad,” Liam says voice cracking a bit at the beginning.   
    
“But, daddy -”   
    
Liam cuts her off sternly, “Emily, this isn’t up for discussion.”   
    
Emily recoils a bit, surprised by Liam’s harsh tone, but she just nods, dropping the subject.   
    
“Well,” Zayn’s mum says, clearing her throat, obviously attempting to change the subject, “how’s Louis’s wedding planning going, Zayn? I’m sure he’s going absolutely mental at this point.”   
    
Zayn smiles gratefully at his mum and talks a bit about Louis’s wedding, letting the conversation flow naturally from there. He doesn’t fail to notice that Liam barely says a single word the rest of the night, purposefully avoiding eye contact with Zayn and not responding to his soft touches.   
    
They stay up after dinner to watch a movie with the rest of Zayn’s family, and it’s clear Liam’s lost in his thoughts the whole night, barely smiling or reacting to the film at all, even though usually he’s quite expressive. With Emily sitting between them, Zayn feels like Liam’s oceans away from him.   
    
“Are you okay, Li?” Zayn asks quietly as they’re getting ready for bed later. He puts his arms around Liam’s neck, cradling the back of his head, and Zayn’s beyond relieved when he feels Liam pulling him in tightly around the waist.   
    
“‘M fine, just tired. Been a long day,” Liam sighs, and Zayn pulls back putting his hands on either side of Liam’s face and kissing him softly. Again, Zayn’s relieved when Liam kisses back, maybe not as enthusiastically as usual, but it’s enough to let him know that maybe things are okay.   
    
But when they get into bed, Liam keeps his distance, not cuddling up to Zayn’s side or against his back like they usually do when they sleep. For the first time in months, Zayn feels cold and lonely even though Liam’s right there beside him.   
    
\--   
    
When Zayn wakes up in the morning he’s a bit disgruntled to find that he’s alone, but it’s no surprise really that Liam’s up before him. Zayn’s never been much of a morning person, and he often grumbles at Liam for being too sunshiney even though they wake up before the actual sun for work most mornings.   
    
He takes his time getting out of bed, yawning and stretching before making his way to the washroom and then down to the kitchen. His mum’s already there making a cup of tea when he sits down at the table.   
    
“Morning, sunshine,” his mum says, kissing his forehead and setting down his tea in front of him. “Did you sleep well?”   
    
“I slept alright. Where’s Liam?”   
    
“Went out on a run with Wali earlier. He should be back soon.”   
    
“Since when does Wali go out running?” Zayn frowns and his mum laughs, taking a seat next to him at the table.   
    
“Waliyah’s a big girl now, Zayn. I think you forget that sometimes.”   
    
Zayn smiles a little sheepishly. “I do have a hard time believing she’s not fifteen anymore.”   
    
They sit in silence for a little, gingerly taking sips of their still hot tea. Zayn’s missed this, just being in the warm presence of his mum who always seems to know when it is he needs to talk and when it is he just needs someone to be there for him.   
    
“Is everything between you and Liam okay, dear?” his mum asks for a while. Zayn suppresses the urge to sigh because he knew this would turn into one of those moments where he needed to talk.   
    
Zayn traces the rim of his cup absentmindedly and shrugs. Are things okay? He’s not really sure, to be honest. It’s hard to tell when they haven’t really talked at all since dinner last night.   
    
“Liam and I have been trying to take things slow,” Zayn finally admits after a while. “He - he’s been through a lot, mum. He was a mess when Emily’s mum left. Like, he had to drop out of school even though he only had a few credits left to take and he worked so hard to provide a good life for Emily. And then when he finally did go back to school he had to handle that and a part-time job and taking care of a daughter. I think he’s still afraid of messing things up.”   
    
“Are you afraid, Zayn?”   
    
He’s never really been asked that before, and the question takes Zayn by surprise. Usually Zayn just thinks about what Liam’s feeling and doesn’t focus much on himself. All he knows for sure is that he cares about Liam and he wants to be with him, and that’s usually been enough for him. It’s never mattered if he’s afraid or not.   
    
“Not really, and I think that scares me a little? If that makes any sense,” Zayn laughs when his mum looks at him obviously confused. “Mum, I really love him. Like I always have, but I’m sure I’m in love with him too. And I just want things to work out, and like even if things can get a bit scary, I think it’s all worth it at the end, y’know?”   
    
Zayn’s mum nods thoughtfully, grabbing one of his hands and stroking her thumb over the back of it. “That’s very mature of you, Zayn. I’m sure whatever this is, you two will work through it. Even if Liam’s not ready to admit it, I think he’s in love with you too, and in the end, that will be enough.”   
    
While they wait for Liam and Waliyah to come back, Zayn helps his mum with lunch, calling Emily in from the sitting room to act as an extra hand and to give Safaa a bit of a break from her constant presence. Zayn thinks it’s lovely how much his mum dotes on Emily, telling her about all the different spices she puts in her cooking and sneaking her bits of the dessert she’s whipped up when she thinks Zayn isn’t looking.   
    
It doesn’t take too long for Liam and Wali to come back, Liam looking considerably more relaxed than he did the night before. He dodges the kiss Zayn tries to greet him with however, laughing it off with a, “I’m all sweaty, babe.”   
    
Zayn frowns, a weird sinking feeling taking place in his stomach, because that’s never really stopped them before. He let’s it go though and doesn’t comment when Liam rushes upstairs to take a quick shower before lunch.   
    
The rest of the day goes by too quickly, Zayn thinks. He always wishes there was more time to just sit and talk with his sisters or listen to his mum sing while she cooks in the kitchen. The only part about coming home that Zayn doesn’t enjoy is saying goodbye. The visits never seem long enough, and it’s all too soon that they’re packing up their bags and stuffing them in the boot of the car.   
    
“Couldn’t you stay longer, dear?” his mum frowns, reaching up to touch his cheek when they’ve all filed out to the driveway to say goodbye.   
    
Zayn bends down to kiss her cheek and says, “I wish I could, you know that. But it’s a long drive back, and we need a day to rest before work.”   
    
He hugs them all goodbye, watching Emily and Liam do the same, and in a few minutes they’re on the road, making their way back to London.   
    
The drive back isn’t nearly as enjoyable as the drive to Bradford. Liam’s silent most of the way, supposedly napping when it’s not his turn to drive, even though Zayn knows he has a hard time falling asleep in the car. Zayn tries not to dwell on it though, tries to think that everything is okay and that Liam’s probably just tired. That sinking feeling in his stomach doesn’t go away, and it makes him nervous and anxious.   
    
There’s a bit of traffic on the way, and it’s later than expected when they get back to Liam’s flat. Zayn really is exhausted at that point, a tiredness that comes from the combination of a long drive and missing his family and Liam’s silence.   
    
Emily’s fallen asleep in the backseat, so Liam carries her up to the flat, Zayn grabbing the bags and following behind. He’s surprised though when Liam turns toward him when they get to the door, taking the bags with one arm and holding Emily up with the other.   
    
“I think you should just go home today, Zayn. It’ll be nice for you to sleep in your own bed after being away for so long,” Liam suggests, avoiding making eye contact.   
    
That emptiness in Zayn’s stomach disappears, filled only because he’s sure his heart’s fallen into it. Liam’s never asked him to go home before and this is - Zayn doesn’t know how to deal with this.   
    
“Oh,” he says, voice small and surprised when Liam raises an eyebrow at him, “yeah, I guess I’ll head back then. It is getting late.”   
    
“I’ll see you on Tuesday, yeah?” Liam says, placing a dry kiss on his cheek that lacks the usual tenderness and comfort that his kisses usually bring.   
    
Liam heads inside and Zayn walks back to his car, feeling thoroughly lost and confused.   
    
\--   
    
Zayn doesn’t really see Liam on Tuesday, or any other day of the week for that matter. He barely comes into the staff room in the mornings, staying for just a few minutes before heading back to his classroom. He doesn’t pick up Zayn’s calls and rarely returns his texts and Zayn doesn’t know what to do.   
    
It’s different from the last time that Liam was avoiding him, because this time they’re actually together, and it’s a bit infuriating really that Liam will barely look at him, let alone talk to him. He thought they were past this phase, that if something was wrong Liam would just talk to him about it. Zayn understands if Liam needs to take a few days to collect his thoughts, but it’s been almost two weeks now and it’s getting ridiculous.   
    
Sometimes Zayn wonders if the universe works to make everyone miserable at once, because it seems that everyone is having an awful time at the moment. Louis grows more and more stressed about his wedding every day, to the point where he’s begun showing movies in all of his classes so he doesn’t have to worry about lessons and focus on, “more important matters”. Niall and Harry have been off too. They’re reluctant to share why, but there’s no denying something’s wrong. They’re quieter than usual, less giggly and more tired.   
    
The worst is the day when they walk into the staff room, Harry with red rimmed eyes and Niall with dark circles under his. Neither of them really say a word to Louis and Zayn - Liam, to Zayn’s disappointment, stopped joining them earlier that week - and they barely talk to each other. It’s off putting to say the least, because Niall and Harry have always been one of the most stable couple in Zayn’s life. Seeing them like this makes him uneasy, and everything’s made worse because they don’t even know how to help.   
    
Zayn finds that now that he’s not occupying his day with Emily and Liam, he has quite a bit of free time. He doesn’t like going back to his flat though, finds it too empty and lonely, so he stays after school most days, working on grading papers or writing lesson plans or just - sitting around really like he is now.   
    
There’s a knock at his door and he looks up from his computer in curiosity. It’s nearing four and there really shouldn’t be many students around. It’s just Harry though, standing there with a half-smile playing at his lips.   
    
“Hard at work or hardly working?” he asks, coming in and taking a seat on the desk right in front of Zayn’s.   
    
Zayn rolls his eyes. “Don’t even have any work to do. Just don’t wanna -”   
    
“Go home? I know the feeling,” Harry sighs and Zayn frowns at him.   
    
“Is everything okay? Between you and Niall, I mean,” Zayn asks. Whatever it is that they’re going through, Zayn feels like it’s important, and he doesn’t want to become one of those people who are wrapped up in their own problems to notice everyone else’s.   
    
Harry bites his lips nervously, attempting to push back his hair and frowning when he remembers he’s got it held back with a bandana. “I don’t know. Like things are just - things are happening.”   
    
“Are they? I hadn’t noticed.”   
    
Harry’s frown deepens and he lets out a frustrated groan. “No like. Niall doesn’t want to tell anyone about this, but I can’t just -”   
    
“Hey,” Zayn interrupts, voice softer, “you can tell me anything, Haz, you know that. Like and if you want me to keep it to myself I can do that.”   
    
“Yeah, I know,” Harry sighs. “Okay, I can -”   
    
He cuts off, taking a sharp intake of breath, Zayn waiting for him to continue.   
    
“Niall and I are trying to adopt a baby,” Harry blurts out finally, a small smile on his face despite everything.   
    
“That’s so great, Haz,” Zayn says, genuinely happy for them. If anyone deserves a child it’s Niall and Harry. “What’s the problem then?”   
    
“It’s a long process innit? And things just keep going wrong. Like first there was some problem with the paperwork and then they bloody _lost_ the paperwork and the interviews haven’t been going well. This morning we got another call from the agency and it wasn’t good news.”   
    
Zayn walks around his desk to sit next to Harry, putting an arm around him. Harry’s head falls into his shoulder and he sighs again. Zayn’s pretty sure he’s never heard Harry sigh this many times in his life.   
    
“Things will work out, Haz, don’t worry. Like, I know it seems hard right now, but it’ll happen. Nobody deserves this more than you two do,” Zayn says finally, carding a hair through Harry’s free curls.   
    
Harry turns his head, snuffling his nose in Zayn’s neck. “I know just - it’s really hard right now. Niall’s so upset by this and we’re fighting all the time and I just. I don’t want things to fall apart.”   
    
“They won’t,” Zayn soothes. “You’ll make it through this.”   
    
“Thanks,” Harry mumbles. “You and Liam will make it through whatever’s going on between you also. He’s been a miserable tit lately.”   
    
Zayn snorts. “Well if he’s so miserable, he should come talk to me.”   
    
“You know how he is,” Harry says, pulling away to look Zayn in the eye. “He just needs time. He’ll come around.”   
    
“It’s been weeks, Haz. How much time does he need?”   
    
Harry shrugs at that, kissing the side of Zayn’s head before saying, “I don’t know about that, but he will come around. I know it. He loves you, Zayn, and it won’t take him long to realize that he can’t mess this up.”   
    
It’s Zayn’s turn to lean into Harry this time, fitting against him easily like he always has. “I really hope so, Harry.”   
    
\--   
    
Liam’s being a twat. Liam’s being a twat and he knows it quite well - he doesn’t even need Niall to point it out to him this time.   
    
Avoiding Zayn is difficult. Liam really didn’t realize just what a big part of his life Zayn had become over the past few months. Every corner of his flat is filled with traces of Zayn, little things of his that have somehow accumulated there over time. It’s even worse with Emily always asking about him, wondering where he is. Liam doesn’t know what to tell her every time her face clouds over in disappointment because he’s not there.   
    
The worst is the few times he actually sees Zayn, because he can’t even pretend that Zayn doesn’t look just as miserable as he feels. And Liam’s the cause of that. He’s making Zayn sad, and he’s an awful, awful human being.   
    
It’s just, Liam got a little - okay, maybe a lot - freaked out that night during dinner. Liam wanted to take things slow, and well, Emily saying she thinks of Zayn as a father is probably the opposite of taking things slow. It was a bit too much for Liam at the time and sometimes when he thinks about it, it still feels like it’s a bit too much.   
    
Except, he’s not dealing with this right and he knows it. He can’t avoid Zayn forever, especially not when all he’s doing is making things worse. But it’s just like before when he doesn’t know what to say because he feels like no matter what he does say, he’ll mess things up even farther.   
    
Niall and Harry come over to his flat over the weekend, and Liam’s happy for their presence, is so glad that someone is there to help fill the obvious Zayn-shaped void. The two of them even seem happier than they have been the last couple weeks, and if the way that Harry’s cuddled into Niall’s side, Niall’s arm around his shoulder is an indication of anything, it seems like they’ve mostly fixed whatever it is that’s been throwing them off balance.   
    
“How’ve you been, Liam?” Harry asks.   
    
Liam shrugs because he doesn’t really know and he says as much. “Okay, I guess. It’s hard to say.”   
    
“You gonna tell us what’s been up with ya?” Niall asks pointedly.   
    
“You guys going to tell us what’s been up with you?” Liam counters and Niall lets out a loud laugh.   
    
“We’ve figured out our shit, Leemo. You haven’t. Plus, we already agreed that we didn’t want to talk to anyone about this, at least not yet.”   
    
Harry coughs and mumbles something softly causing Niall to frown. “What?”   
    
“I told Zayn actually,” he repeats, louder this time, looking a bit guilty.   
    
Niall for all it’s worth doesn’t really look mad, just rolls his eyes. “Really? Couldn’t keep it a secret, Haz?”   
    
“No, not that,” Harry pouts, “just needed to talk to someone. I can keep a secret if I want to.”   
    
“Are you going to tell me then?” Liam asks, trying desperately to keep the conversation from going back to him and Zayn.   
    
Harry and Niall exchange a look, having one of those weird conversations that are all eyebrow furrows and nose twitches. Liam doesn’t know if it’s cute or strange that the two of them are so connected that they don’t have to say a word to express everything they’re thinking.   
    
Finally, Harry shakes his head, grinning cheekily. “Nah.”   
    
“Where’s Emily?” Niall asks before Liam can whine in protest and instead Liam just lets out a frustrated sigh.   
    
“In her room working on a project. She’s asked about a hundred and one times if Zayn could come over to help her. Says I’m not artistic enough or something.”   
    
“I could go check up on her,” Harry offers, already standing up, “I am quite the artist, as you can tell by my array of wonderful tattoos.”   
    
Harry flexes ridiculously, showing off the assortment of doodles on his left arm and Liam can’t help but let out a laugh. Niall’s trying desperately to hide his amusement, but even he can’t keep the smile off his face when he says, “Most of your tattoos are terrible.”   
    
“But you love them anyway,” Harry smiles, bending down to whisper something in Niall’s ear that makes him flush red. Liam very pointedly pretends that he didn’t hear the words “butterfly” and “covered in come”.   
    
“Go check on Emily, you goof,” Niall laughs, patting Harry on the bum and shooing him from the room.   
    
“So you two really are okay then?” Liam asks, watching Harry walk into Emily’s room with an excited, “Emily! How’s my favorite girl today?”   
    
Niall smiles, the look on his face disgustingly fond. “Yeah. I mean the last few weeks were sort of hard, but I didn’t doubt that things would be okay.”   
    
“What was happening, exactly?”   
    
“Leemo, you ever feel like the universe is working against ya?” Niall asks in reply, making Liam raise an eyebrow in curiosity. “Like you desperately want somethin’ to happen, but somethin’ else is always keeping it from happenin’?”   
    
Liam nods, because it’s a feeling he’s very familiar with. He felt it a lot when Emily was first born. Not a day goes by that Liam isn’t thankful for Emily’s presence in his life. She’s everything to him, and that will never change. But in those first few years, especially when Dani left, he’d had moments when it definitely felt like the universe was telling him that he wasn’t meant to do anything other than be a single dad with a minimum wage job.   
    
“That’s how Haz and I have been feeling - or at least it’s how I’ve been feeling. But, just gotta stay positive right? Like everything will work out in the end, it has to.”   
    
Liam mulls over Niall’s words for a minute before asking, “You ever feel like the opposite is happening too?”   
    
“What d’you mean?” Niall asks.   
    
“Like, the universe wants something to happen, but you’re the one keeping it from happening?”   
    
Liam thinks that maybe that’s what’s happening with Zayn. What was happening between was happening so naturally that he hadn’t even realized how interwoven their lives had become. Nothing felt too fast when things were going on - honestly everything just felt right. It felt perfect. Things only went wrong when Liam had time to think about it and freak out. His fears and anxieties were what was messing this all up.   
    
“You saying the universe wants you and Zayn to happen?” Niall smirks and Liam flushes a bit at that.   
    
“Sounds a bit conceited when you say it like that. But yeah, I guess I’m saying something along those lines. Like I don’t think we’re soulmates or whatever but like, Niall, I love him. A lot.”   
    
It’s the first time Liam’s said those words aloud to anyone, the first time he’s really admitted to himself even that he’s in love with Zayn, and it scares the shit out of him. He’s in so far already, but he doesn’t think there’s any turning back now - that is if he hasn’t screwed things up already.   
    
“Think you should be telling him that, not me,” Niall says, raising an eyebrow. “But if you love him, Liam, then you can fix this. Like I don’t know if you’re scared or whatever but y’know it’s normal to be scared right? Like when I first realized I was in love with Haz I was fucking terrified. I was terrified when he asked me to marry to him and I was terrified when I walked down the aisle and I was definitely terrified when he said he was ready to adopt -”   
    
Niall stops suddenly, the color returning to his cheeks and his eyes widening. Liam’s eyes widen too, both from surprise but also from glee.   
    
“Shit, forget I said that last part,” Niall says hurriedly.   
    
“Oh no, Horan, you’re not getting out of that one. Is that what this is all about? You and Harry adopting a kid?” Liam says, jumping on the opportunity now that he has it.   
    
Niall groans, putting his head in his hands, but he’s smiling too. “Yeah, yeah. Just. Don’t tell anyone, Liam. We don’t want anyone to know before we’re sure it’s actually happening. And we’re talking about you now, right?”   
    
“Okay, yeah. But we’re definitely talking about this baby thing when we’re done talking about me. Now then, you were saying something about it being natural to be scared?”   
    
“Yeah, that’s about it. It’s okay to feel scared. Just, it’s not okay to let your fears get in your way. You and Zayn can have a really good thing. Don’t let it go.”   
    
“Thanks, Niall,” Liam smiles, going over to give wrap his arms around Niall, bringing him into a hug. “When did you get so wise?”   
    
“Always been this way, y’idiot. Who’d you think the wise one of the group would be? Louis?”   
    
Liam laughs again, placing a wet kiss on Niall’s cheek that he wipes away quickly in disgust.   
    
\--   
    
The closer they get to May, the more of a wedding-induced frenzy Louis falls into, and it’s driving everyone completely insane.   
    
“I thought your wedding was bad enough but this is so much worse,” Liam complains to Harry one morning before class. They’re taking refuge in Liam’s classroom, both afraid that if they’re in the staff room too long they’ll be roped into a cake tasting or last minute registry or something even worse.   
    
“It’ll be over soon, and then we’ll all be able to breathe soundly again,” Harry says seriously.   
    
They’re not safe for long though, Louis finding them just minutes before he has to be at his first period class.   
    
“Liam! There you are,” he smiles, and Liam tries not think about that episode of How I Met Your Mother and _crazy eyes_ , “listen you free this afternoon? We need to get your tux fitted.”   
    
“Uh, I guess,” Liam says, coming up blank for an excuse to get out of this even though he knows he’ll have to do it eventually, “as long as we can take Emily.”   
    
“El’s got her. She’s doing her final dress fitting today and she said Emily can go with her.”   
    
Harry’s smiling at him, trying not to laugh and Liam suddenly remembers that he and Niall don’t need to do a fitting, because they still both have the tuxes from their own wedding, while Liam had just rented one for the night.   
    
Louis’s staring at him expectantly, so Liam finally sighs and nods. “Yeah today’s fine.”   
    
“Excellent. Zayn’s coming too, by the way,” he says, adding the last part as he’s walking out the door.   
    
Liam’s left staring after him in shock, mouth open, because – what?   
    
“Didn’t you say you were looking for an opportunity to get Zayn alone?” Harry asks through his giggles.   
    
Liam groans because he is so not ready for this.   
    
The rest of the day goes by in a haze, Liam trying to think of what he’s going to say to Zayn when they’re finally together. He’s spent so long avoiding this that he really doesn’t know what’s going to happen, what Zayn will say.   
    
“We’re having lad’s night tonight, by the way,” Louis mentions when they’re in the car, heading to the tailors. Zayn will be meeting them there eventually after he finishes some work at school.   
    
“Louis,” Liam whines.   
    
“No, don’t _Louis_ me,” Louis scolds, “you and Zayn are going to make up today, and then we’re gonna have my last lad’s night as an unmarried man.”   
    
“Why have you been avoiding this so much, Li?” Louis asks softly, after a minute of silence, where Liam just pouts petulantly. “He misses you, you know? And I know you miss him too.”   
    
Liam shrugs. “Just. Don’t know what to say, I guess. Every time I go to talk to him, I just like, freeze up. Like what if it’s too late, Lou?”   
    
“It’s not too late, you donut,” Louis says rolling his eyes. They pull up to the curb of the tailor’s, Louis putting the car into park. “Listen, I’ve known Zayn for a long time, and I haven’t seen him this stupid over someone in forever, Liam. He might be angry and he might be upset but he’s not ready to let you go. Not yet at least. But if you do wait too long, well then, I don’t know what to say. If you don’t fix this today, you’ll have to fix it soon. And well, no better time than the present.”   
    
Liam nods, taking a few calming breaths. He can do this. He can fix this. Everything will be okay. When they’re inside, Liam tries not to get too nervous as he tries on the tux Louis’s got picked out, but he can’t help the knot that forms in his stomach the longer he waits for Zayn to get there.   
    
The tux fits fine, really, the tailor barely having to make any adjustments. The only thing really giving him trouble is this damn bowtie that Liam can’t seem to be able to tie correctly. He’s struggling in front of the mirror for at least ten minutes before there’s a chuckle behind him.   
    
“Need some help?”   
    
Liam turns around, surprised to see Zayn standing there and smiling nervously. Liam smiles too, hoping the flush in his cheeks isn’t too visible. “Um, yeah. Sure.”   
    
Zayn approaches him slowly, and Liam holds his breath as his hands go up to the two ends of the bowtie hanging limply around his neck. Zayn works quickly, tying a knot with practiced fingers. It’s the closest the two of them have been since Bradford.   
    
“There,” Zayn grins, smoothing out the small piece of fabric. Liam turns back to the mirror, his smile matching Zayn’s.   
    
“Thanks, mate. Look good, don’t I?” he jokes, wiggling his eyebrows, his grin growing impossibly larger when Zayn laughs.   
    
“‘Course. Always do, don’t you?”   
    
Liam turns back towards Zayn, trying to make himself look more serious, but it’s hard when he’s so happy to see Zayn and he’s even happier that everything feels okay.   
    
“Zayn, listen, I’m really sorry,” Liam finally says, ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I’ve been sort of shit.”   
    
“Yeah?” Zayn says raising an eyebrow.   
    
“Yeah. Like I’m sorry I freaked out at Bradford and I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you afterwards and I’m sorry I kept avoiding you. I’m just. I’m really sorry.”   
    
Zayn bites the corner of his lip, a nervous habit that Liam can’t seem to get him to let go of. “Liam, you realize the past few weeks, they were like. They were the worst. You have to talk to me, about things, babe. I can’t handle it when you just like, shut yourself away. I’ve missed you so much and missed Emily and missed _us -_ ”   
    
“I’ve missed us too,” Liam says, quickly. “I just. Fuck Zayn I’m scared, like all the time. It’s ridiculous how scared I am of messing things up. I don’t want to lose you.” Liam brings his hand up to Zayn’s cheek. “I’ve had a lot of time to think though, and I’m surprised at how you’ve become an essential part of my life. And that scares me too, but I think I’m okay with being a little scared.”   
    
Zayn raises an eyebrow. “Is that so?”   
    
“Yeah. I heard from a wise old Irish man that it’s normal to be scared when uh - when you’re in love,” Liam says, holding his breath when he hears Zayn inhale sharply.   
    
“In love? Like with me?”   
    
Liam chuckles, “No, actually, I’m quite in love with Louis -”   
    
“Shut up,” Zayn groans, cutting him off and pulling on his lapels to bring them closer.   
    
They meet in a kiss that’s fast and desperate, Liam’s hand immediately going up to tangle in Zayn’s hair. Zayn’s tongue slides against his lip and against his teeth and fuck Liam’s missed this so much. Missed the feeling and the taste of Zayn - of getting lost in it of being so close to him that it’s hard to tell where he ends and Zayn begins.   
    
“I’m a bit in love with you too,” Zayn says a bit breathlessly when they pull apart, his eyes crinkling up and smiling Liam’s favorite smile. “Always have been, I think.”   
    
“Glad we’re on the same page then. It’d be awful if one of us was moving a bit too fast wouldn’t it?”   
    
Zayn groans but when he pulls Liam in for another kiss, Liam can feel the smile against his lips.   
    
\--   
    
Louis walks in on them kissing, and he makes a disgruntled noise that’s ruined by the huge smile on his face. “C’mon guys, you’re gonna ruin the tux.”   
    
Liam giggles against Zayn’s neck and mumbles, “Sorry, Lou,” before placing a small kiss on the tip of Zayn’s nose and making him giggle cutely.   
    
They get Zayn’s tux fitted also, Liam barely leaving his side even when the tailor complains that he can’t do the measurements with the two of them practically glued together, and they’re still together by the time they get to the bar a couple hours later. It’s quite different from the last time they were there, and Liam feels a lot better now that he’s sitting next to Zayn, pressed up against his side and their fingers entangled on top of the table.   
    
“Well, lads,” Louis says, raising his pint, “think it’s time to make a toast for this momentous occasion. It is Louis Tomlinson’s last lad’s night as an unmarried man.”   
    
“We will mourn the loss of unmarried Louis Tomlinson very gravely,” Niall says, his expression serious for about a second before he’s bursting into laughter.   
    
“Shut it, Horan, this is a serious matter. Next time we do this, I will be a changed man.”   
    
“I agree, this is very serious,” Harry nods, beaming when Louis nods in approval.   
    
“Thank you, Harold. I’m glad you understand.”   
    
“To Louis Tomlinson,” Zayn grins, raising his own glass. “May he have a happy and wonderful marriage. And may he not be as disgusting with his wife as our current newlyweds are with each other.”   
    
“Hear, hear,” Niall says, cackling and tapping his glass against Zayn’s.   
    
They drink quickly, the alcohol going straight to Liam’s head and making him happy and giggly.   
    
“I love you,” he says, snuffling his nose into Zayn’s neck, nipping at the skin there playfully. Now that it’s out there, Liam’s going to say it as often as possible. It may make his heart race a little each time, but he doesn’t think it’s from fear anymore.   
    
“I love you too,” Zayn whispers, planting a kiss on his mouth that’s sweet and tender. Liam doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of hearing those words.   
    
\--   
    
**Epilogue**   
    
For all the panic that ensued leading up to it, Louis’s wedding goes off without fail. Eleanor looks beautiful walking down the aisle, and Zayn’s never seen Louis as happy as the moment he first spots her entering the church. The ceremony is just overall lovely, and they all shed more than a few tears as Louis says his vows.   
    
The reception is fantastic also with its good food and great music and a seat at Louis’s table. It’s even better with Liam there with him, Emily between the both of them. Zayn thinks it’s perfect really, and if he keeps thinking of them as a family, well, there’s really nothing to do about that now.   
    
“You know, I think your wedding might beat out Haz and Niall’s,” Liam says grinning at Louis from across the table.   
    
“Oi,” Niall says indignantly, “watch it Payno. This is nice and all, but nothing will beat the Horan-Styles wedding.”   
    
“Dunno, I think it’s quite lovely,” Zayn agrees, shooting a smile at Liam. He tries to make his features look all mischievous, but from Niall’s snort he gathers that he just looks an extreme sap.   
    
“Don’t think your opinion counts if you’re just gonna side with the boyfriend,” Harry says, and Emily giggles when Zayn sticks his tongue out at him.   
    
The argument continues, Zayn paying more attention to the way Liam’s got an arm slung across the back of Emily’s chair, his fingertips grazing against Zayn’s shoulder on more than one occasion. It’s amazing really how the slightest touch makes Zayn burn so hot. Liam looks so good in his tux, the fit highlighting the best of his features, and Zayn wonders idly if it would be possible to slip into the washrooms at some point for a quickie.   
    
Zayn gets a little sidetracked from thoughts of Liam though when, in the middle of dinner, Niall’s phone starts buzzing, his eyes widening when he sees who it is. He has a silent conversation with Harry and leaves to take the call. Zayn shoots a curious look towards Harry who mouths _adoption agency_ at him and Zayn nods, understanding.   
    
“Think it’ll be good news?” Liam asks, leaning over Emily. His breath his hot in Zayn’s ear and he tries to hold back a shiver of delight.   
    
Zayn bites his lip and shrugs. “I really hope so. They deserve some after all this time.”   
    
They find out just a few minutes later, Niall practically running back into the reception hall and tackling Harry out of his chair. They end up a mess of limbs on the floor, and Zayn’s sure it’s great news when Niall starts planting kisses all over Harry’s face, mumbling, “Harry - Harry, they found someone - they accepted us - fuck Harry” between each one.   
    
“What is going on?” Louis asks, beyond confused when Harry disentangles himself from Niall and stands up, pulling Niall up as well and bringing him into a proper embrace.   
    
“Adoption agency,” Zayn says simply, unable to keep his own smile off his face.   
    
“What? What adoption agency? What are you talking about?”   
    
Niall turns around in Harry’s arms, facing the table, his cheeks pink and his hair a bit disheveled but otherwise looking a thousand times happier than he has in ages. He’s literally shining, as is Harry behind him. “Lou, we’re gonna be parents. Haz and I - we’re going to be dads.”   
    
Louis crows in excitement and somehow Zayn finds himself being pulled out of his seat and into an embrace. He feels Liam pressing against him from the back, Niall somewhere in front of him, and Louis to the side, still muttering, “What? What are you going on about? Since when have you been looking to adopt? Why does no one tell me these things?” with no real annoyance in his voice.   
    
Liam’s still holding onto him when they separate, and Zayn sinks into him, pulling Emily in with them when he notices her looking at everyone in amusement from beside them.   
    
“I’m happy to have you guys,” he says, sincerity dripping in every single one of his words. He doesn’t even care that what he’s saying is seriously corny as fuck. He really means every single one of them. “I love both of you a lot, you don’t even know.”   
    
“We love you too, Zayn,” Liam laughs, kissing the top of his head and bending down to kiss the top of Emily’s as well.   
    
They might not be a proper family, at least not yet, but Zayn really is happy with what he has. He’s happy with Liam and he’s happy with Emily and he’s happy that everything just feels so right. Things might get scary sometimes, but they’re working through everything together and that’s more than Zayn could ask for. 


End file.
